How to Lose a Guy in a Single Chapter

Submitted by GreenGirl:

I meet James via an online dating website. I'm hesitant to meet him because his texts are so inconsistent. One day he texts and we have a really good conversation. The next day it's one word answers.

He actually cancels on our first meet up at the last moment because he has to go to work, but then texts an hour later saying that he has some time after all. "Meet me in 10 minutes?" Um, no. This is a big city. It takes 10 minutes just for me to get to the nearest subway stop.

Finally I agree to meet him at a sandwich shop. We sit down and he doesn't say anything, just sits there. I force conversation by asking questions most of which get one word answers, even when asking open ended questions.

I ask, "So where do you work?"

"A hotel."

"Oh, so what do you do at the hotel?"

"I'm a manager in housekeeping."

"So...do you like it?"

"Yeah it's alright."

"Okay..."

Finally I ask him if he wants to know anything about me, because I can’t think of any more questions. He just kind of shrugs and says “I don’t know tell me something interesting about you.” I proceed to tell him about my current and last job, both of which happen to be for politically famous people. I don’t do this to brag, I just figure it’s a good conversation starter. His response? “Oh okay. Cool.”

I am now desperate to leave and it’s only been 15 minutes. I suggest walking to a bookstore a couple of blocks away. It’s a rather popular bookstore but it couldn’t be more apparent that he has a) never been there b) probably doesn’t read that much. I say something to that effect and he responds, “Well I’ll read if someone gives me something and says ‘Hey you should read this.’”

To my right on the shelf directly at eye level happens to be a bunch of Chuck Palahniuk books. Although famous for writing Fight Club, there is a rather infamous story in his book Ghost, chapter three to exact.

If you have never read it I shall simply say it involves a boy in a pool, masturbating, intestines, and just general disgusting and disturbing imagery. It will quite possibly scar you for life.

With no intended malice in mind I hand the chapter to him, joking for him to read it, but then he actually sits down to read it. Almost immediately an option enters my mind. I hesitate for about 30 seconds, debating.

And then I walk out the back door and walk home.

Suffice it to say that I haven’t heard from him and hopefully he will remember me forever as that bitch who gave him a disgusting story and then walked out on him.

I’ll remember him forever as the guy who bored me to tears.