How to Lose a Guy in a Single Chapter

Submitted by GreenGirl:

I meet James via an online dating website. I'm hesitant to meet him because his texts are so inconsistent. One day he texts and we have a really good conversation. The next day it's one word answers.

He actually cancels on our first meet up at the last moment because he has to go to work, but then texts an hour later saying that he has some time after all. "Meet me in 10 minutes?" Um, no. This is a big city. It takes 10 minutes just for me to get to the nearest subway stop.

Finally I agree to meet him at a sandwich shop. We sit down and he doesn't say anything, just sits there. I force conversation by asking questions most of which get one word answers, even when asking open ended questions.

I ask, "So where do you work?"

"A hotel."

"Oh, so what do you do at the hotel?"

"I'm a manager in housekeeping."

"So...do you like it?"

"Yeah it's alright."


Finally I ask him if he wants to know anything about me, because I can’t think of any more questions. He just kind of shrugs and says “I don’t know tell me something interesting about you.” I proceed to tell him about my current and last job, both of which happen to be for politically famous people. I don’t do this to brag, I just figure it’s a good conversation starter. His response? “Oh okay. Cool.”

I am now desperate to leave and it’s only been 15 minutes. I suggest walking to a bookstore a couple of blocks away. It’s a rather popular bookstore but it couldn’t be more apparent that he has a) never been there b) probably doesn’t read that much. I say something to that effect and he responds, “Well I’ll read if someone gives me something and says ‘Hey you should read this.’”

To my right on the shelf directly at eye level happens to be a bunch of Chuck Palahniuk books. Although famous for writing Fight Club, there is a rather infamous story in his book Ghost, chapter three to exact.

If you have never read it I shall simply say it involves a boy in a pool, masturbating, intestines, and just general disgusting and disturbing imagery. It will quite possibly scar you for life.

With no intended malice in mind I hand the chapter to him, joking for him to read it, but then he actually sits down to read it. Almost immediately an option enters my mind. I hesitate for about 30 seconds, debating.

And then I walk out the back door and walk home.

Suffice it to say that I haven’t heard from him and hopefully he will remember me forever as that bitch who gave him a disgusting story and then walked out on him.

I’ll remember him forever as the guy who bored me to tears.


  1. 1.) The books called Haunted not Ghost, the short story is called Guts.

    2.) He was probably lost interest based on the personality traits you left out of this story then last minute figured he'd give you the benefit of the doubt and meet you, discovered you did have those poor personality traits, read the book you put in front of him, then was overjoyed to see you were left when he finished the story.

  2. you do sound like a bitch. I think that some of the people who post here don't include all of the details about their own personality. Maybe you are the boring and annoying one.

    "I meet James via an online dating website."
    -btw, aren't all dating websites online? Am I missing a whole group of offline dating websites where you have to drive to an office to look through? lol.

  3. So James is a bore. At least have the decency to say goodbye or nice to meet you but this isn't working. WTF, How old are you 16?

  4. I always recommend "120 Days of Sodom" but that's just me.

  5. Sounds like "Mike" has had this happen to him before, don't be so angry!

  6. its called haunted..

  7. I like how she can remember the exact chapter about the boy masturbating in the pool, yet she doesn't seem to remember the name of the book itself.

    It sounds like there wasn't much interest from the get-go. Why meet up with someone who is communicating with you inconsistently anyway? Sounds like she was annoying him.

  8. This has got to be phony.

  9. The book is Haunted. dont brag about your literary prowess if you can't remember to cite the right book or at least get Patrick Swayze off your brain.

  10. Wow you guys are really hung up on the name of the book. Chill out.

  11. Haha this is just like a first date I once went on where we were sitting in some uncomfortable place trying to talk but we had nothing at all to talk about and I could tell I was boring her and she clearly wanted to get away and she suggested we go across the street to the book shop and we did and I went towards the science section and she went to the literature section and I thought that it's definitely time to put a stop to the night and she comes over and hands me a book and it's Thomas Wolfe's You Can't Go Home Again and she say "read chapter five" and I do and it's called "The Microscopic Man From Japan" and it's an absolutely beautiful and sad story about trampling and big feet and strangers we meet in the city and it takes about ten minutes to read and she's still there when I finish and we start to talk about it and keep talking and leave the store and go for a really great walk and it's time to go home so we decide to continue things the next day and out next date we discover lots of things about each other and pretty soon we're going home but not alone if you know what I mean and we really like each other and have a great time and she's even the first girl that lets me put it in "back there" if you know what I mean even though I said it was an accident and all.

    So you might have missed out on some things when you threw the intestines at your guy.

  12. I like the cut of Mister Pointer Outer's jib (gib?).

    "One day he texts and we have a really good conversation. The next day it's one word answers."
    I am thinking he is a person who has good and bad days. Perhaps if you feed him more glucose put pictures of kittens around his home he will perk up?

  13. Well I haven't had a girl ditch me in a bookstore, but I have had bad dates, both my fault and theirs. But I can pretty much universally tell you silence or intermitted conversational skills means:

    a.) i'm tired and youre too needy, gimme some air.

    b.) I think you have some weird personality trait or you fail the date criteria, either way i'll make certain before I skip out.

    But still date account gives me the impression that wasnt the way it went down from his perspective.


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