10/01/2015

The Crunchy Chair

Story Sent in by Dolores:

Last year when I was really putting myself out there, Brian picked me up for our first date. He had a Volkswagen with a pile of what looked like sports magazines in the back seat.

When I climbed into the passenger seat he said, "I'm glad you didn't sit in back. I have magazines back there."

I asked, "Why would I have sit in the back? That would've been weird."

He drove us onward. "I know. Some of the magazines are sticky, if you know what I mean."

Eep. I didn't say a word, as that effectively killed the conversation/date.

After over a full minute of silence, he asked, "Do you know what I mean?"

"I think so. Uh... where are we going for dinner?"

He was quiet during dinner and barely mumbled out two words. He offered to drive me home but I said I'd have a friend pick me up. He grumbled about that but didn't really say much of anything intelligible.

After we left the restaurant I bade him good night at the door. He asked me, "Do you want a complimentary magazine? Free with dinner."

"No. Thank you."

"Okay."

He shuffled away and that was the end of it.

7 comments:

  1. What. The. Fuck. Touting up his sticky magazines? Like his ability to blow a wad signifies his manly prowess? For this one, I need to turn to John Cleese. Take it away John.

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  2. If that was an attempt at a invitation to screw, epic fail.

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  3. We all know how he thought this would go.

    I'm curious how you thought it would play out. Your first clue might have been his hands on the wheel. I know you were most likely just afraid to be rude, but if a guy leads with that, I can think of things I'd rather do that stay in his car and sit through a dinner.

    On the other hand, we was really generous in offering you a mag considering how possessive he is of them.

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    Replies
    1. Damn you, that paper cut GIF will haunt me forever!

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    2. Oh god, just watching that made me cringe.

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  4. Sports huh? Best you know now cause if that's his pleasure, things might have gotten....sticky if he asked you over to watch the game.

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  5. Fizziks and that photo of the hands had me laugh so hard I surprised myself, and I agree with Architect that the papercut was the kind of mental pollution even Dawn won't wash off. (smiling now after a long, hard day)

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