10/25/2013

Livin' on a Sprayer

(Images are the story. Click here to find out why on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Nick:

For all intents and purposes, Violet struck me as an upstanding citizen. We met online, had dinner, and took a stroll afterward.

It was during this stroll that she reached into her pocketbook and pulled out a spray can of white paint. She handed it to me and asked, "Want to paint?"

I looked around. Nothing but buildings. "Paint what?"

She shook the spray can and spray painted a nearby brick building!

"What are you doing?" I asked her, expecting a cop to be called on us at any moment.

"Painting," she said like she was doing nothing at all wrong. She painted a white circle upon the bricks, then offered me the spray can one more time. I turned her down and she said, "You're boring. Do something to entertain me right now or I'm leaving."

I did a dance. She yawned and said, "Good night," then made for her car. Maybe I should've committed a murder. Or maybe that wouldn't have been entertaining enough for her.

11 comments:

  1. Really? You're gonna compare spray painting to murder? Well, then OP, that's great. Not encouraging her behavior but you could have easily done something else.. taken her to a nearby paintball place? :)

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  2. OP is a doormat. "Do something to entertain me right now or I'm leaving" and then "I did a dance"? He should have left himself, immediately.

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  3. Because vandals who demand spectacle should always be placated, no matter what.

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  4. Well, what kind of dance was it? I'm thinking something in the jig family...

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  5. At least you weren't on a date with Chunky Horse... when He's bored, He demands ritualistic human sacrifice...

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  6. Yeah, OP is definitely holier than thou about this, but I think it's just to cover up for the shame that his mating dance didn't seal the deal.

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  7. he should have danced "the funky chicken" that dance has been helping nail brides maids since 1968

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  8. Indeed, Captain Awesome. Nothing hotter than seeing a man dunannanananana. clap. clap. clap.

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  9. I would be like I need some props, wait right here, be back in a sec!

    Then of course go home and watch hours of reality show to point and laugh.

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  10. I looked around. Nothing but buildings. "Paint what?"

    She shook the spray can and spray painted a nearby brick building!


    "Good heavens!" I exclaimed, my monocle falling out in surprise. "Whatever are you doing? Surely a proper young lady such as yourself of upstanding birth and breeding should not resort to such disreputable theatrics!"

    "Painting," she said like she was doing nothing at all wrong. She painted a white circle upon the bricks, then offered me the spray can one more time. I turned her down and she said, "You're boring. Do something to entertain me right now or I'm leaving."

    Well, let it never be said that I was unwilling to engage in some ribald revelry to impress our fairer sex. I was hesitant lest I seem too forward, but it must be confessed that I know a few dance steps of the forbidden Charleston, a dance of such sensuality that it had been known to redden the cheeks of quite a few winsome lasses. It might have seemed a mite improper, but we were alone and she seemed like quite the spirited woman.

    I did a dance. She yawned and said, "Good night," then made for her car. Maybe I should've committed a murder. Or maybe that wouldn't have been entertaining enough for her.

    From that point on, I swore never to meet women on the internet, that lascivious dominion of vice and harlotry. Instead, my mother has arranged my marriage to a perfectly charming young woman, and since she is related to my uncle, I can be ASSURED that she comes of good birth and lineage!

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