7/18/2011

What World of Warcraft Teaches People

Story Sent in by Shay Lee:

I met Ron at a bar.  He said he was 33, which was eight years older than I. He was also cute and intelligent. He told me that he worked all the time and owned his own house.  I thought that I finally made a great catch: older, steady job, and cute. We set up a date.

The day of our date, he called and told me to meet him at his house because he was running late due to work. I agreed because I had been in similar such positions before.

I arrived at his house, which was large and beautiful.  I assumed that he had a very well-paying job. Ron came outside and asked me into his house.  I followed him into his room because I didn't know how much longer he needed to get ready.  He said that he just needed to finish up on some paperwork.

I heard voices from elsewhere in the house, and I asked him, "Is anyone else here?"

He replied, "My folks."

"Oh, I didn't know they were visiting with you."

"They're not visiting. This is their house."

I asked him, "How old are you?"

"Twenty-seven."

The situation became uncomfortable, of course. But still, perhaps he had fallen on hard times and had to move back home, so I didn't ask any more questions.

I decided to watch television while he finished readying. After a little while, I asked him, "How much longer will it be?"

He said, "Come here, check this out."

I walked over to his computer to see what it was on which he was working. He was playing World of Warcraft. I did not know much about the game, but he explained how to play it.

Disinterested, I told him, "I'm going to go."

Ron shut his laptop off and apologized for making me wait.  He then stood up, unbuttoned his pants and took out his penis. He said, "You want to give it a kiss?  I know he'll like that."

I decided to feign playing his game. I said, "You're really big.  I like it.  Let me go freshen up, okay?  Then we can continue."  He pointed me to the nearest bathroom, and I slipped into it. After a few moments, I peeked out, saw that he wasn't in sight, and I walked out of the house, jumped in my car, and drove home.

He sent me a text message ten minutes later: "Hurry up. Licksy Dicksy's waiting."

As time went on, I received a few more messages: "Where did you go?" "Did you really leave?"  "Seriously???"

Seriously.

14 comments:

  1. #WhippinItOutEarly

    Seriously, Jared. Can we FINALLY have a tag for this sort of nonsense?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Slippery slope, that. Then you'd be asking me for a "should've left earlier" tag, a "delusional" tag, a "builds strange contraption in basement" tag...

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  3. "Licksy Dicksy"? How could you resist THAT???

    ReplyDelete
  4. Is it that necessary to have tags at all? I mean, we read the stories as they come in, how often do we really go searching for something in particular?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Warcraft teaches people to lie to potential romantic partners?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Women go wild with lust when you make them wait while you play a video game. I guess Shay Lee is just one of *those* gals...

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would've left the second I found out he lied about his age.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OH EM GEE JARED can we get a "should've left earlier" tag, a "delusional" tag, and a "builds strange contraption in basement" tag?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

    PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ???????????????????

    ReplyDelete
  9. "should have left earlier" would be a pretty useless tag since it would include about 90% of the entries here.

    ReplyDelete
  10. If I cared what the people of dating sites thought about me and had noticed the popular trend of girls' profiles that stated they liked dating old geezers then I probably would have lied about my age too. I just wouldn't make such a rookie mistake and tell her in the first five minutes. It would be more tactful to wait and tell them until after the first date, whether that time would be later that evening or after a few more dates or a year from then or maybe on my deathbed....

    ReplyDelete
  11. At TheMediator: I have actually gone back to look up stories to link to Facebook comments. Such as the Release the Kraken! one...

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  12. I wonder if his "work" was being a gold farmer in WoW.

    In any case, though, what a louse.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jared, I'm with Baku inre: the "should've left earlier" tag being far too...open. However, I think we can all agree (ALL AGREE DAMMIT) that a "Licksy Dicksy" tag in honor of our friend "Ron" would be very useful to have. Those stories always have some of the best comments.

    ReplyDelete

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