10/28/2010

All Girls Want to Be Princesses... Sometimes

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E-mail Submitted by Erin:

I'M A BIG-FUN, ULTRA-KINKY, DOMINANT, SELF-MADE MILLIONAIRE, HEGELIAN, VEGAN FREAK LOOKING 4 HIS ANAL-PRINCESS 4 A SERIOUS, LONG-TERM, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP & I THINK THAT U LOOK HOTTER THAN FUCKING HELL SO LET'S MEAT! U SHOULD GIVE ME YOUR CONTACT INFO (preferably your phone # butt at the very least your im sn) SO I CAN CONTACT U & OR U CAN USE MY CONTACT INFO BELOW 2 CONTACT ME, EITHER WAY, LET'S HOOK-UP!!! I OWN A GORGEOUS GRAMERCY PARK, MANHATTAN APARTMENT & I'M LOOKING 4 A LIVE-IN GF & MAYBE EVEN A LOT MORE THAN JUST A GF!!!!! HOW ABOUT US ENJOYING 7-DAY WEEKENDS 2GETHER, POSSIBLY EVEN TILL DEATH DO US PART?!!!!!!!!!!

RICHARD

> Let me not to the marriage of true minds
> Admit impediments. Love is not love
> Which alters when it alteration finds,
> Or bends with the remover to remove:
> O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
> That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
> It is the star to every wandering bark,
> Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
> Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
> Within his bending sickle's compass come;
> Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
> But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
> If this be error and upon me proved,
> I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

10 comments:

  1. "LET'S MEAT!"

    Yes. Let's meat indeed.

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  2. I'm sort of sad that his email addresses didn't go up.... they were all something to the effect of "sodomy commando" and "cum enema."

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  3. He might do well with one of those bridal catalogs. Do they have one for trannies?

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  4. Goddamn him for ruining Shakespeare.

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  5. .... the deuce?!?! bad enough the guy is SCREAMING at her through the entire email, then he has the audacity to insult her by right off the bat just bluntly wanting to "meat" her (well, he did say in his first SENTENCE that he's "ULTRA-KINKY"..so, i guess that's not a surprise). and, hey, since when did we get "7 day weekends"?? i missed those somewhere in my 34 years of life..never seen one...hmmmm....

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  6. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT WRITING IN ALL CAPS ALWAYS GETS MY ATTENTION. I WOULD TOTES HIT THIS GUY UP.I MEAN GRAMERCY PARK? CLEARLY HE'S A BALLER.

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  7. I AGREE HAPA. HE NOS THAT WOMEN LIKE TO HAVE MONEY AND BE SEX SLAVE FOR CREEPY GUYS THEY MEAT ON THE INTERNET AND HE AND THE GUY WHO LEIKS SWISS CHEESE CAN GET 2GETHUR AND MAKE A SANDWICH WITH HER IN THE MIDLE LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    Jesus Christ.

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  8. The Vegan wants to "meat" her!

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  9. I've actually received this e-mail myself, more than once sadly

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  10. My favorite part is the name Jared picked for this one. That and wanting to meat her, of course.

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