Don't Fret

Story Sent in by Doug:

Aimee had profile photos of herself playing the guitar. Through conversation with her, I learned that she had been playing since she was very young and she practiced every day. I told her that I'd love to hear her play sometime and she told me that she'd play for me on our first date.

We met up in a public park. I immediately noticed that she didn't have a guitar with her but I figured that if she had brought one, it was probably in her nearby car or whatever. After we exchanged pleasantries she asked me, "Did you bring the guitar?"

I don't own a guitar. Therefore I had never agreed to bring one. I told her, "I don't own a guitar. Do you have yours handy?"

She said, "You didn't bring it? Seriously?"

"How can I bring what I don't own?"

She laughed and shook her head like I was a total idiot. She said, "Then I guess I'm not playing for you."

I remarked, "Okay. Maybe next time."

She said, "You don't understand: I'm not playing for you ever. Not for you, not for anybody!" and then she burst into tears. People who walked by must have thought that they were witnessing the break-up of a years-long romance, not the sudden mood swings of an irrational woman and the poor guy who happened to have not brought a guitar to the proceedings. I tried to console her but eventually gave up and went home.


  1. Alternate ending: Doug actually brings the guitar for some unknown reason. Doug tries to hand it to Aimee. She gently pushes it back into his hands. "No Doug, you play for me. Play for me like one of your French girls." Then the park hits an iceberg and sinks and Aimee knows good and damn well that there is plenty of space for Doug on that door she is floating on, but she lets him freeze to death and drown anyway, that bitch!

    1. Hey! It didn't matter that the door was large enough in surface area because testing proved the door wouldn't be buoyant enough to keep them both above water. One had to die or they both died

    2. Briana knows what's up.

    3. Or he shows up with a guitar, which she wasn't expecting since she can't actually play, and has to fake it.

    4. Being a woodworker/architect, I believe the buoyancy of the door depends heavily on the species of wood out of which it was made. Oak would sink like a stone with two people on it, but pine could probably have held them both. Also, we need to know how much they both weighed. There's more to this thing than meets the eye.

    5. Also, welcome back Bananas, Tourist, and Ash!

    6. He was already too weak to climb, and she was very likely too weak to pull him up. He knew that in her state, it was too much of a risk to pull him up since she could have slipped herself. He also knew that he wouldn't be able to help himself. He did not take this risk and sacrificed himself to increase her chances of survival.

    7. Rose: Goodbye Jack, I'll never forget you...
      Jack: Could you just slide over a bit so I can get on this door....
      *camera pans away as Rose gently pushes Jack away from the door and firmly holds his head under water*
      *cue My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion*

    8. Actually they tested it using the same wood as was used for the actual door of the titanic, and the wood couldn't hold them above water only stop them from sinking completely. And it's good to be back!

    9. Hopefully they tried it in salt water which is much more dense than fresh water.

      We've been missing the regulars around here. Where did you go? Did Mr. Bananas knock you up again?

    10. Actually, I'm not sure which type of water used hmm. TO MYTHBUSTERS AWAY.

      Also no haha sorry I moved to another state

    11. Steve finally found you didn't he?

  2. Methinks she was hoping to acquire a "gift" guitar; all her practicing was at the music store.


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