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Story Sent in by Don:

I took Paige out to dinner. We had a mundane conversation up until she finished her dinner completely. There was nothing left on her plate and she said proudly, "I'm in the clean plate club!" like she was a five-year-old.

"Good for you," I said.

She then pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket and unfolded it. It was a certificate that had her name and said, "Clean Plate Club." There was a signature line on the certificate that said "Witness" beneath it. She handed it to me with a pen and said that she had one for every day of her life.

I signed off on her certificate and she took it back with a big smile. She said, "You should think about joining. There are great membership perks."

"Like what?"

"Like being full. And the annual meetings with other platers. The lifelong bonds we develop are extraordinary. This year's convention is in Vegas."


"Clean Plate Club!"


That was our only date.


  1. This hardly qualifies as a bad date, OP. And at the worst, this girl is socially conscious and not wasteful. What a nice quality in another human being! You missed out on a cool girl. Sounds like you wanted a boring person. Personally, I would have thought the whole thing was quirky and hilarious. But that is good I guess for her- she found out that you are boring.
    But for next time, bad dates are when people actually behave badly, or something beyond your control that is bad happens (such as bathroom issues and whatnot), not when they are merely slightly more eccentric than you are used to.
    I think you should call her up and give her another chance!

    1. Bananas would totally give her another chance!

    2. can confirm: already dating Paige page out to dinner next week. I'm looking forward to joining the clean plate club!

    3. OK what did my phone do to that comment??

      shall I reiterate?

      can confirm: already taking Paige out for dinner next week. I'm looking forward to joining the clean plate club!

    4. If only she had a certificate from the "Not-a-dinner-wh0re Club!"

    5. Ok, give us an update and tell us how it went! And if you cleaned your plate....
      This would not work in China. In China, if you clean your plate, your host thinks you want more, and will give you another full plate.

  2. *OP visits Paige's home*
    OP: Oh, didn't think you were serious about having one of those certificates for every day of your life. And you....had them all framed?

    Paige: These are only the ones from my favorite meals. *gestures to a house with every wall covered in framed certificates* The rest I keep in several storage units.

    1. She's SpongeBob! 367 CONSECUTIVE employee of the month plaques!

  3. My kids were part of the Clean Plate Club in the early aughts, until I told my Mother-in-Law to stop making them eat if they weren't hungry.

  4. Good appetite and clean plate... Your loss OP, your loss...

  5. It's actually a real thing. Sort of. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clean_Plate_Club


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