The Plague of Flies

Story Sent in by John:

I thought it would be a fun first date to have a picnic on one of the first nice spring days. Angela loved the idea and so we both prepared food and met in a park.

What I didn't anticipate (and likely should have) was the amount of flies. Before we even broke out the food it was obvious that we'd likely have to eat inside a car or something similar. To me it wasn't a big deal but Angela was adamant about eating outdoors. "It's such a nice day. We should still eat outside."

I was swatting flies with both hands in every direction. She opened a container of salad and offered some to me. The flies really were everywhere. They flew around my eyes, my ears, and they were very interested in the salad. I said, "Close it! They're gonna get into it!"

Angela just kept eating away with the flies everywhere. I had brought homemade hummus, celery, and carrots and she took the container from me and opened it. The flies were all over it but she just ate like they weren't there at all. They were landing on the food and it didn't seem to bother her.

"Aren't you hungry?" she asked.

My appetite was gone. I swung my arms around to shoo the flies away from myself and the food. I said, "The flies have gotten into everything. Can we relocate?"

She said, "It's just nature. I don't get what your problem is. Nature is nature." She ate more of the food. The flies were everywhere on it. I spent the rest of lunch swatting them away and not eating at all.

When lunch was over Angela said, "How about a walk?" but I was done. I said, "I'm going inside somewhere. You're welcome to join me."

She replied, "It's such a nice day. I think I'll just stay outside. Toodles!" and she went on her way.

Me? I couldn't run indoors fast enough.


  1. It's so terrible. A fly walked on the hummus for a fraction of a second, you'll die!
    (Sigh) A bullet has been dodged... not by OP...

  2. Wow....who cares about flies? I'm sure there weren't nearly as much of an infestation as the OP claims.

  3. This is one I'd love to hear from the other side:
    "So John and I decided to have a nice picnic outside. The minute we sat down he started going on and on about the flies. There were literally like two flies hanging around. I was determined to have a good time anyway so I started eating the salad I'd prepared. One of the two flies flew over the salad and John started waving his hands around wildly (trying to scare the fly?) and screaming that it got on the food. This was really getting to be too much. John hadn't eaten a thing and talked about and swatted at the flies for our entire date. Afterwards, I wanted to go for a walk but John refused on the grounds that the flies would eat him alive. He went off and pouted somewhere while I enjoyed a nice, spring day."

    1. THIS. I spend most of my time during the day outside, and I have never seen the amount of flies he is describing. Did he take his date to a farm and they were surrounded by cow patties? We're there rotting corpses? The Amityville house?

    2. Yup. I was having the same thoughts

    3. I'm glad I'm not the only person who suspected that there were maybe two or three flies, and pictured this guy freaking out that AN ACTUAL BUG landed on the food. No one tell this guy how many bug parts are in your average chocolate bar or hot dog...he might never eat again.

  4. OP was the bad date. Most guys would love a low maintenance chick like Angela...

  5. Yes, I hate to pile on (okay I don't), but this guy is nuts. A woman that is cool about flies and bugs and life is probably a catch in a million ways. But good on you OP, you freaked out about nature and went inside. Hopefully some sterile and sterilizing chick will find you and the two of you will be antiseptically happy.

  6. Is it an exaggeration though? What if she didn't mind eating it because flies are just bonus? MmmMmm fliiiiiessss...

    1. Shh don't mention the flies, then everyone will want some!

  7. OP sounds so dramatic in his description of the event that I read the whole thing in a caricatural way. Team Angela!


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