I Chew-Chew-Choose You

Story Sent in by Brandon:

Erika lived over 700 miles away, so I was surprised when she contacted me over a dating site. We hit it off and she said she'd fly all the way to Chicago (where I lived) to meet. She even said she'd pay for the airfare and refused my offers to split it. Well, why not? I told her she was welcome to stay with me (I set up my pullout couch for her) and she said that would be fine.

I picked her up at the airport on a Friday night and took her out to dinner (it was the least I could do) and everything seemed to go well... until dinner came.

We chatted as we ate and nothing seemed amiss. Then she put her fork down and said, "Is that how you chew? Really?"

I asked, "What's wrong with how I chew?"

She said, "Nothing, if you're a rabid wolf salesman."

I took a moment, then asked, "A rabid wolf salesman?"

She said, "It means anything you want. Can you get the check? I'm outta here."

She had barely touched her food. I didn't have anything else to say to her and so she left. I have no clue where she stayed that night and when she flew back home. She didn't respond to any of my messages and I never heard from Erika again, after that.


  1. This is why you don't go 700 miles for a date without booking a hotel first

  2. We think she meant a rabid wolf who is in the business of sales right? Not a human salesman who is in the business of selling wolves? I mean neither makes a ton of sense given that a rabid wolf is going to suck to eat dinner with regardless of his profession (and frankly she was a little offensive to suggest salespeople are, ipso facto, gross eaters). Pleas advise.

  3. Wow. Normally it takes a few weeks before someone's annoying habits get to that level of obnoxious. I wonder if she *really* lived in Chicago or if she was local and it was a big fat setup from the start.

  4. That explains why she went with someone 700 miles away from her home. She probably exhausted every single male on dating site in within a 700 miles radius, always finding in them something trivial to complain about.

    I'm sure she bemoans how useless all men are, never ever thinking she might be the problem...

  5. Maybe she just figured it would be easier than taking a taxi/ cab from the air port?
    Make a grand exit and walks to a pre booked hotel 3 blocks away.

  6. There's that weird comma again, JMG...

    1. Number of days since weird comma: 0

    2. There's that weird guy who always nitpicks. Blame grammar.

  7. I'd be tempted to make *her* pay the check.


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