Revenge, Extra Cold

(Did The Force Awakens leave you with questions? I've answered them all for you in my new Star Wars comedy fan film, EPISODE ZERO! Click here to check it out! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Thomas:

At dinner on our first date, Nelle and I traded high school stories. She told me, "Here's a story I've never told anyone: in 10th grade, I told this guy that I liked him and he shoved me into a locker."

I was stunned. "Oh my god. And he never got in trouble?"

Nelle said, "Not until now. Will you report it for me?"

Nelle and I were both in our late 20s. Who would I report it to? And who would care about something that had happened 10 years earlier?

I started, "Um, like to the police?"

She said, "Sure. Or the principal. I think the school has a different one, now. But you can still tell on him for me."

I said, "I don't think anyone would really care, at this point. Maybe contact the guy who did it and tell him how you feel?"

She muttered, "Or blow a hole through his face..." then looked up at me and said, "Have you always been such a pussy?"

I said, "I'm not the one who's sat and done nothing about it for 10 years."

She said, "I just told you. And you won't help me?"

"I'm not planning on it."

Dinner was effectively over at that point. We split it and went our separate ways, never to see each other again.


  1. She totally wanted you to murder that guy.

  2. ^ She totally wanted the OP to travel back in time and murder his high-school self.

    1. This! I think OP was the boy who shoved her and she thought she was being clever.

  3. She wanted him to track homeboy down and retaliate for her being stuffed in a locker with the only things that can serve justice - an atomic wedgie or swirlie.

    1. Don't forget the wet willy of doom, or the purple nurple. Also indian burns are a good warm-up.

  4. I don't know what she expected her date to do, track her bully down and murder him?

  5. I think it is time to check her medication.


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