Singe the Body Electric

Story Sent in by Billy:

Fern texted me less than an hour before our date to say, "I can't make it. My house caught fire."

I wasn't sure if it was a lame excuse or not so I wrote back, "Seriously? Are you okay?"

She texted me three poorly-Photoshopped images of a house on fire. But it was clearly just a stock fire graphic pasted over a house. And each house was a different house!

I wrote back, "Is your house really on fire?"

She replied, "Just sent you photos. Firewomen are here. Have to go."

Realizing that this was just a blow-off, I resigned myself to an uneventful evening.

However, it wasn't as uneventful as all that. Fern soon texted me photos of herself on fire, with that same stupid fire superimposed upon images of herself, screaming. She then texted me, "Dead now. xoxo."

A week later, I'm not kidding, she texted me a photo of a gravestone.


  1. This wouldn't bother me... I like my womens extra crispy...

  2. Please god, tell me it looked something like this.

    I think you actually lucked out on this one OP. But me, I'll always wonder what could have been.

  3. Give it a month and she'll send you a picture of her zombified self with the message "I'm back and ready for the sack!"

    1. You give me rigor mortis in my pants...

  4. I find Fern's behavior unbe-leaf-able

  5. That is what you call a burnt offering.

  6. She really disliked him and she wanted to make it obvious to him that she was blowing him off on purpose. Not psycho, just getting a good laugh at his expense.


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