Great Expectorations

(Screenwriting software - which is the best? Plus a nifty character development question, on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Donna:

Paul took me out to an Indian restaurant for our first date. He claimed to be a connoisseur of Indian cuisine, but when our orders arrived and he took a giant first bite of his spicy lamb, he spat it all over the table, all over me, and downed his wine.

As I mopped his food off of myself he apologized. "Sorry. It's really, really hot. I'm gonna wait for it to cool down."

I suggested, "Maybe spit it into your napkin next time?"

"Sorry," he said again, and then I offered him a bite of my chana saag to tide him over.

After a minute of blowing on his food, he took another bite.

"Pffbbtt!" he spat out again, all over the table. He fanned his mouth. "Agh! Still too hot!"

"Stop spitting out your food! Take smaller bites and cut it with some naan or drink some water, first," I admonished him.

He said, "Okay, Mom," and then took another big bite of it.

His face contorted into all sorts of fun shapes and colors. He made a big act of chewing and swallowing, which he eventually did with much fanfare. He then asked, "Happy?"

I wasn't really happy. I wanted to go home without any further incident. I simply said, "I hope it's good," and hurriedly finished my own food. He worked his way slowly through his meal and ultimately finished. We paid separately and I returned home as quickly as I could.


  1. If this date had taken a different turn, he'd have been calling you, "mommy", in the comfort of your shared love dungeon a few years down the road.

  2. @ JMG - Nice title!

    Well, at least you got some souvenir art work to take home with you.

  3. Douchebag- *spews food*
    Op- *offers eating instructions instead of getting up and leaving*
    Me- *shakes my head sadly as I collect dorito crumbs in my hair and lap* "what an idiot. Op should never let someone get food on her and get away with it"

  4. Come on, it's not like he tried to grab her arse after five minutes. He was a douchebag, but I don't think it was a level of douchebagging that would warrant walking out straight away... Politeness is still valued by some.


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