Cheesy Fries

(It's awards season! My picks for the year's best films? Click here for this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by John:

I was on a restaurant patio one summer with Beatrice for a first date. She wore a pair of sandals but kept bending to scratch and rub at her right foot as we spoke, before our food came.

We had ordered sandwiches and I noticed that when they arrived she didn't wash her hands before digging into the finger foods with her fingers.

I had ordered sweet potato curly fries and she asked if she could reach onto my plate and take some.

I said, "If you wash your hands. You were touching your foot." After all, isn't that common sense?

"My feet are clean," she explained, and then took off her sandal, brought her foot to her mouth, and licked it up and down. Right there at the table!

My expression must have registered considerable horror because she then took out some hand sanitizer and rubbed it around her hands (and foot) before taking some of my fries.

Eww. That was our only date.


  1. I like your style. This is why you're my new ABCD girlfriend...

  2. Not a fan of hand sanitizer... If it kills the germs, aren't all the little germ carcasses still on your hand? Wash/rinse > ingesting germ carcasses.

    1. Oh Steve, you're a commenter after mine own heart. Also, every time you breathe in you also breathe in microscopic poo from dust mites and such you can't see. Eating their carcasses is the metal way to take revenge.

  3. Of course, there are some guys who would've gone in a completely different direction there..

  4. I just was impressed that she was able to bring her foot to her mouth and lick it. Imagine what she would have been like in bed.

    1. I am imagining and all I can see is some smelly toe fungus that she keeps bringing up to her mouth to lick off.

      I need steel wool for my brain after that.

  5. Like Jason, I was thinking a lot of men would have been thrilled with this. She is super flexible and could be a foot fetishist's delight! Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to share my fries with her, either, but she's someone's dream come true.

  6. we have here, the Duchess of Disgusting

  7. I think this is the first entry that literally made me gag.

  8. A guy I was out with once begged to lick my toes in a club


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