Local Man Eaten by Rabid Dogs

Story Sent in by Donnie:

I bought tickets to a movie for myself and Joann. Showtime was at 8 PM. She assured me she'd be at the theater no later than 7:45 PM.

By 8 PM, she still hadn't showed and my calls to her all went to voicemail. As I didn't want to miss the film if I didn't have to, I went in and figured that if and when she arrived, she could contact me and I could bring her to where I was sitting. I was also sure to text her that information.

She never contacted me at all, so I saw the film without her. As I left the theater, who was sitting on the theater's front steps but Joann.

I told her I tried calling her and texting her and I asked her why she never responded.

She asked, "So you just went and saw it without me?"

"I already bought the tickets. If you called me I would've come right out to get you."

"You should've waited! You went in and saw it without me? How dare you! How dare you!"

"How dare I? You didn't even try to contact me! You were late and as far as I knew, you were standing me up!"

"I wanted to see if you'd wait for me or not. Guess you failed that!"

I said, "I guess so," and then I took off for my car.

But she wasn't done with me. She followed behind and asked, "Where do you think you're going?"

I didn't reply, as I thought that saying, "Away from you," would be redundant. I hurried to my car and drove away faster than she was able to catch up. That's when the deluge of furious texts and calls from her started, but she was too late. At this point I'd rather go see a movie with 12 rabid dogs than with her.


  1. I love how OP has a specific number of rabid dogs he'd prefer to join him at the movies. "11 would be too few and 13 would be overkill. 12, yes, 12 rabid dogs would be just enough."

  2. It's nice when they bring the crazy out and you don't have to spend any time with them. It's like douche plumage!

  3. This is why REAL men avoid theaters altogether, and stick to VHS tapes. At home. Of Chunky Horse.

  4. And yet so many women wonder why they have trouble getting good men...

  5. She's a psycho game player. She was late intentionally just to see what he would do...probably watching him from afar.

    1. My point exactly. By the time the good girl comes around, the nice guy has already been picked apart by the game-playing bitch, and is no longer a nice guy.

    2. This is not always the case. I dated a "game-playing bitch" (or two) for a long year (or two!), which caused me to re-evaluate my life choices. I then purposely went out with someone who was a complete 180 in personality and temperament. We are now happily married with a beautiful baby :-)

    3. I thought you were saving yourself for Chunky Horse.

    4. Jared, while I am indeed a Priesthood holder in the Cult of Chunky Horse, I am still allowed to pursue marriage. We ain't Catholics!

  6. "I bought tickets to a movie for... Joann [and me]."

    Fixed it for OP.

    She knew he would always put himself before her.

  7. Ladydyani's phrase "douche plumage" is sheer genius. Say it with the French accent on "plumage" to see the perfection. What a wordsmith !


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