Hey, This Fork Tastes Funny

Story Sent in by Felicia:

It was pretty easy to tell that Nolan had an ass problem. Oh, he tried to hide it but all the while during our date at a cafe, he squirmed back and forth and scratched at his rear when he thought I wasn't looking. Class.

He finally excused himself to use the bathroom and when he came back the problem seemed to have ceased. I was relieved but still a little grossed out.

But after several minutes, he was at it again. He even slipped his fork off the table and scratched at himself with it!

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Fine. Why?"

"You've been scratching a lot. Maybe you're allergic to something?"

He looked at me like he was really shocked that I realized he had been scratching himself for most of the time we had been out together. He stood up, threw some money on the table, and said, "Yeah. You, apparently," and he took off, just like that. I understand that he might've been embarrassed, but surely there was a better way to handle that?


  1. Nolan then went home, grabbed a large serving-fork from the kitchen, popped in a VHS of the HBO Special Presentation of Chunky Horse, and had the time of his life...

    1. Ahahahahaha... stick around, Steve. You've been missed.

    2. Awww, thanks Jared! <3

  2. Yeah, there was a better way to handle that. You could have continued to politely ignore it and not call the man out for having some hemorrhoids.

    Did he say ""Bye Felicia" as he left?

    1. When someone takes the silverware off the table to scratch themselves, they have crossed the "politely ignore" threshold.


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