A Fistful of Pliers

Story Sent in by Ramon:

I was a little nervous when Heather was late to our date but she called to tell me that she was having car trouble. She was pulled over to the side of the road not far from where I waited for her in a diner. I left there to go help her.

I found her soon enough and she was really upset. It looked like trouble under the hood and I asked her what tools she had.

"Pliers," she said.


"That's all I've ever needed."

Okay then. Pliers weren't going to be too helpful and when I looked under the hood it seemed like she'd need professional assistance. I told her that and she said:

"But I have pliers."

"Those won't help."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't lift your engine block with just pliers."

"Can't you try?"

"Do you have AAA?"


"You should call them."

She called them and I waited with her for them to show up. She spent most of her time looking under her hood while holding the pliers and tapping around under there. She barely made any conversation with me but alternated making a racket with the pliers and standing with her arms folded while staring at the engine.

A woman with a tow truck finally arrived and she took a quick look under the hood. She told Heather that it would have to be towed and Heather said, "I have pliers, if it helps."

The tow truck woman said, "Thanks but it doesn't," and Heather rode with her to the body shop without saying so much as a goodbye to me. That was our only "date."


  1. Too bad she didn't hit a battery terminal with those pliers.

  2. The pliers were booby trapped. She was planning to kill you.

    Why won't you just hold the pliers?

    1. It holds the pliers in its hand or else it gets the tire iron again.

  3. Reminds me of the Kids in the Hall skit.
    *lifts hood* "Try it now."
    *closes hood* "Try it now."
    *kicks tire* "Try it now."
    *cleans windshield* "Try it now."


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