Killer Date

(Character is story. Story is structure. Click to find out why on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Walt:

The online persona of Irene was happy and bubbly. So it was a surprise when she was in a sour mood for most of our date. It was easy to tell. She barely made eye contact and seemed lost in her own head. I finally asked her if everything was all right and she said that she was just upset about an "old friend."

When I pressed her on it a little more she said that an ex of hers was spreading lies and gossip about her and he was making her look bad. She finished, "And if it was legal, I'd kill him with my bare hands."

I asked her if there was any chance for her to reach out to the people to whom he was spreading slander. After all, if they were her friends, I was sure they'd see reason. She said, "I'd just rather he died. Like I said, I wish I could just kill him. I would, no questions asked."

I didn't like the direction the conversation was going, and so I tried to change the subject with something like, "Well I think you're pretty great."

She didn't bite, though. She said, "Sure wish I could find someone to just do it for me. I'd even pay. It would just be better for everyone."

"Try Craigslist?" I offered.

She gave me an angry look and said, "Yeah... Craigslist..." as if she thought it was a bad idea. Sorry I didn't know where else to look to find someone to kill people for you on the cheap.

The date ended (thank goodness) and I didn't plan on contacting her. But she contacted me. It was a long, rambling, manifesto-like email about all the horrible things her ex did to her. I only briefly skimmed it, but the last line was really the point of the message:

"The least you could do was offer to help me end him. It's what real men would do."

I'll keep that in mind.


  1. "I'm sorry, I agreed to go on a date with you, not do a contract kill against your ex."

  2. That was the whole point of the date.

  3. God, OP, real men kill people for the slight chance that they might get some tail. What's your problem?


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Content Policy

A Bad Case of the Dates reserves the right to publish or not publish any submitted content at any time, and by submitting content to A Bad Case of the Dates, you retain original copyright, but are granting us the right to post, edit, and/or republish your content forever and in any media throughout the universe. If Zeta Reticulans come down from their home planet to harvest bad dating stories, you could become an intergalactic megastar. Go you!

A Bad Case of the Dates is not responsible for user comments. We also reserve the right to delete any comments at any time and for any reason. We're hoping to not have to, though.

Aching to reach us? abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com.