Whacking Asses

Story Sent in by Tom:

For my first date with Liz, I was ready to meet her in a public place: a movie theater, a diner, a golf course - anywhere. So I was surprised when she invited me to her house. I hadn't planned to make it to her place on a first date, but it was her idea and so I went with it.

A little before I was due to head out, she called me in a bit of a panic and said, "Maybe you shouldn't come here. Probably wasn't a good idea for me to ask you to come here."

I told her, "I want you to feel comfortable. Let's just meet up for dinner or drinks."

I named a place and she was keen on it. I told her I'd meet her there in an hour. All seemed well.

She called me about five minutes later. "I'm sorry. Can we... okay. Maybe we can just meet here. I'm already here, and my sister's here. Maybe can we just meet here? To start?"

Something was off but as I said, I wanted her to feel comfortable.

I drove to her place and she let me in. There was no sign of her sister, but there were shelves and shelves of knickknacks and tchotchkes. Ceramic animals, paperweights, little vases... all manner of useless, breakable crap.

Liz sat down with me on a couch up against a wall. Right above our heads was a shelf with at least two ceramic donkeys. We chatted for a bit and she seemed relaxed.

Then out of nowhere she turned away, tensed up, and said, "What was that?"

I said, "I didn't hear anything."

She spun back to me and said, "You should go."

"I... what? I just arrived."

She shook her head. "No. You should go. You should–"

She jolted up on the couch and whacked her head against the donkey shelf.

"Ow!" she screamed.

I asked if she was all right and she said, "Just go! Go! Go now!"

I left. And that was that.


  1. The Amityville Donkey coming Summer 2015

  2. You've got to watch out for Chunky Horse. He's a crafty one.

    I think one of those tchotchkes had her sister's ashes in them.

  3. Am I the only one who thought of the lady from "Misery" and all her figurines?

  4. Maybe her sister's ghost was jealous and acting out.

  5. NEVER visit the lair of a CRAZY.


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