Unfriends and Neighbors

Story Sent in by Bradley:

A couple of months into my relationship with Mary (which by my recollection was going fine), she and I went out with a small group of my friends to a local tavern. She hadn't met many of them before and I thought it would be a fun night.

At the tavern we talked, laughed, and drank. Once the evening was over I drove her back to her place and on the way she asked me, "Is Nick single?"

Nick was one of the friends we had seen that night. I told her, "I think so," thinking that she wanted to set him up with one of her friends.

She asked me a few more questions about him and his personality. I answered them as best as I could, making him look pretty good in the process.

The next day, Nick called me and said, "Mary called me today for a booty call."

I wasn't sure if I understood him correctly. "Mary what?"

"She found my number on my Facebook profile and asked me if I wanted to hook up with her."

As you can imagine, I called Mary up to verify. I asked, "Nick told me you called him. What's going on?"

She said, "He seemed cool so I just called to see if he wanted to hang out sometime."

"He told me you asked him to hook up."

She said, "So?"

"So... you're my girlfriend."


I hadn't planned on her being so frank, so I was unprepared to deal with it. "So... uh... do you want to break up?"

"Okay. Off to Nick I go." She hung up.

I called Nick and told him what had happened. I had really liked Mary. We had never fought and she never made it obvious that we were in any sort of trouble. I was hurt that she would end things so matter-of-factly. Nick agreed that Mary was nuts and that neither of us would have anything to do with her from then on.

A week later, Nick's relationship status flicked to "In a relationship" with Mary. I unfriended him immediately.

Shortly afterward, he called. "What the hell, Brad? Way to be mature about everything."

"You're one to talk," I told him, "Enjoy each other."

"We will!" Nick promised me, "I'm sleeping with her tonight." I hung up on him.

Less than two weeks later, Mary broke it off with Nick to pursue yet another guy. How did I find out? An email from Nick. He didn't apologize in it, but instead tried his best to justify his actions and paint himself as a victim.

"I feel like she really betrayed me," he wrote, "If it helps you feel any better, she told me that you and I were both horrible lays."

Surprisingly, it didn't make me feel better. I haven't spoken to either of them since.


  1. Wow, hard to get any douchier than Nick McDoucherson. But somehow I knew exactly what was going to happen after he told you she wanted to hook up. While he wanted to do the right thing by letting you know (secretly hoping you would give consent), laying there alone at night, thinking of Mary was just too much for him. Glad he got what he deserved. Douche.

    Also, OP, try not to be such a horrible lay next time.

  2. Yeeesh, this was painful.

    Also Archie, where ya been?

  3. So...bros before hos, except when the first available opportunity presents itself?

  4. @ King - Exactly.

    @ Andrea - Got a new job and trying not to slack too much. Glad to know I was missed though :-) I'll try and get back to my usual level of snark. Have no fear!


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