Oral Fixation

Story Sent in by George:

I messaged Tracy online and we struck up a good conversation. She was a paralegal who had once been a child model. It seemed like she had lived an interesting life and I wanted to learn more about her.

When I took her out to dinner we had a good talk and she laughed at all my jokes. As we ate, I noticed that something small had caught in her teeth and I told her so.

Her hand at once went to her mouth. She virtually leapt from the table, grabbed her purse, and bolted away, presumably to the bathroom. I at once felt bad for pointing it out, but what else was I supposed to do? It was right there in the front of her mouth.

After several minutes she hadn't returned. I texted, "Everything okay?"

She wrote back, "YAAAAAAAH."

What did that mean? I hadn't the foggiest. I wrote her back after another few minutes. "Coming back soon?"

"YAAAAAAAH," came her response.

After a while longer, I knocked on the door to the bathroom, called her name, and heard no response. I tried the door. It was open. I peeked into the single-toilet bathroom. It was empty. I had no idea where she was. Upon returning to the table, I texted her again: "Where are you?"

"YAAAAAAAH," came the answer.

I paid for dinner, boxed up both my food and the remnants of her meal, and left. When I reached my car, I called her and she picked up. I said, "Hello? Tracy? You there? Where are you?"

After a pause, she screamed, "YAAAAAAAAAAH!" at me and hung up. So I guessed our first date was to be our only date. I was really bummed because she had seemed perfectly normal up until that point.

The next morning, an email from Tracy awaited me in my inbox. I hoped against hope that it would be some sort of explanation or apology.

Nope. It had the subject, "YAAAAAAAAAAH" and the body text read, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

I guess that served me right for pointing out the food in her teeth.


  1. I don't get why he was so desperate to be with a loon. which is worse the loon or the one who wants to hump Loon?

  2. That makes me want to send somebody and email with the subject, "YAAAAAAAAAAH" and the body text, "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

  3. She loves me Yaaaaaaaaah Yaaaaaaaaah Yaaaaaaaaah

  4. ^ Nice one, Andrea. Made me LOL.


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