Story Sent in by David:

It was a perfectly nice first-date dinner with Nicole when she suddenly clammed up and turned a bit red. She fanned at the air and said that she suddenly felt really hot.

"Do you want to go outside for some air?" I asked her.

"Good idea," she said and sped past me. As she did, I smelled the unmistakable aroma of fart. It was brutal.

When she came back things continued as they had before the "hot" incident. Of course I said nothing to her and she said she was fine.

A little while later, she stood up and said, "Excuse me, I'm suddenly feeling really hot again." She hurried out once more. I didn't smell anything that time, thankfully.

She finally returned and we went back to talking. Everything appeared normal.

After a little while longer she suddenly gathered her stuff and stood up. "Well, nice meeting you. Bye!"

I was so stunned that I didn't have anything to say until a few minutes after she had left. I texted her, "What just happened?"

She wrote back, "It's been two hours."

Not sure what that meant, I wrote, "What does that mean?"

She replied, "You disrespected me at the table. Done with this. Bye."

I went over the prior two hours of the date several times and couldn't come up with a single instance of me "disrespecting" her. The only things that stood out were her two hot flashes and her awful-smelling fart.

I wrote, "How did I disrespect you? Did it have to do with your farts?" but she didn't reply.


  1. She probably had to take the Browns to the Superbowl.

    Take the kids to the pool.

    See a man about a dog.

  2. Seeing a man about a dog means getting hooch, Archie.

    And Jared, there's 3 days of stories missing! Did they all 'get hot' too?

  3. Content's posted every day. I post emails and profiles on the weekends. Maybe you're just on the stories-only feed? In any event, these were from this past weekend:

    Whoops! I Thought You Were My Blog.
    They're All Under Invisibility Cloaks

  4. They're back up. I think my phone was being silly because it wasn't in any specific tab or something. Oh well. Thanks!

  5. @ Andrea - Maybe where you come from, but not at my house.

  6. My favourite-ever euphemism for shitting, said to me by a colleague as he left my office: "I'm going to put the brown witch on trial. Sink or swim, she's going down."

  7. @ Badgerdaddy - FOR THE WIN!


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