Not Everyone Loves a Nut

Story Sent in by Dorthy:

I was out on a date with Al, just walking in a park. He picked up a couple of acorns and gave me a devilish look.

"Look at my nuts," he said.

"They're so tiny," I told him.

"You'll say different when they're in your mouth," he informed me, then handed them to me.

I dropped them on the ground. He picked them up and said, "No. Put my nuts in your mouth."

I hesitated because I wasn't sure how serious he was. Then he said, "You have a choice: put these nuts in your mouth or put my actual nuts in your mouth."

His grin convinced me that not only was he serious but that he actually thought I'd consider taking him up on either offer.

I replied, "I could put my fist in your face. How about that?"

His smile vanished and he threw the acorns on the ground. "Fine. Don't be fun."

That's me, Ms. Not-Fun. But I live at the same address as Ms. Self-Respect.

After a few more steps in silence, he asked me, "Do you want to just go and get stupid lunch over with?"

I said, "I do. But not with you." I took the opportunity to leave him standing there among the dead leaves, the acorns, and the lonely, lonely wind.


  1. You probably shouldn't go on dates with twelve-year-olds.

  2. Also, with his lonely lonely nuts.

  3. OP, you should have said "sure, I'll put your nuts in my mouth. But you have to supply the tweezers and magnifying glass."


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