Clatter-Day Saint

Story Sent in by Jason:

At dinner, my date Betty chewed on her fork. A lot. Even (and especially) if nothing was on it. Between bites, between words, between breaths, Betty chomped down on her fork. Chomp chomp chomp.

I found it so irritating that I asked her if she would mind stopping. She put her fork down without a word.

Less than 30 seconds later, she picked up her spoon and clanked her teeth on that. Again I asked her to stop, and I followed it up with, "Are you nervous?"

She said, "No. Just a habit."

Then she picked up her butter knife and clattered her teeth upon it.

"Can you stop?" I asked.

"No!" she said in a raised voice, "No, I can't! I've already given you my fork and my spoon. You will not take my knife away from me!"

I hastily requested the check from the waiter. Betty offered to pay her share and I took her up on it. It's not like I was ever going to see her again.


  1. Good thing you didn't keep that relationship going. Otherwise you would have had to meet her father.


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