Bark Attack

Story Sent in by David:

I nearly died on my first date with Amy. Back in high school I was smitten with her. We were in the same group of friends, but she never seemed interested in me. She was always dating someone else, and when I once asked her out, she told me in so many words that she preferred us as friends. So blah.

But that changed one day in senior year. We were working on the same advanced placement French project after school when I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner that night.

She asked, "A date?"

She wasn't seeing anyone. I wasn't seeing anyone. It had been a year and a half since she had given me the "friends" line. We were seniors. If not now, when?


She paused in thought for a moment, then smiled and said, "Sure! Walk me home?"

Jackpot. I had never been to her house before, much less walked her much of anywhere. I figured we'd walk there, she'd freshen up a bit, and then we'd be on our way.

I was really nervous during the whole walk there, and I can't even really remember what I talked about. I was concentrating too hard on not sounding like an idiot. She had a nice house, a relatively average suburban type with a big, fenced-in yard. There were two big trees growing in front of it. A "beware of dog" sign should've been my first inkling that things were going to go south.

"You have a dog?" I asked Amy.

"Mandy," Amy said, "She's 100 pounds of pure love."

"A hundred pounds? Is she a seventh grader?"

Amy laughed. It was the last happy moment we'd have for a while.

Amy opened her door and Mandy the Rottweiler burst out and lunged at me.

I ran.

Oh my, I ran.

I bolted to the closest tree and leaped up unto its mighty boughs. They held my weight and I scrambled up as quickly as I could.

Below, Mandy leaped, snarled, and barked. I had no idea what I had done to set off these 100 pounds of pure love.

Amy was screaming, herself. She ran for Mandy and grabbed her and tried to calm her down. She finally half-dragged the dog back into the house and closed the door. Only then did I drop from the tree. I was amazed that I was poised enough to remain balanced on two legs. Amy apologized over and over and said she had no idea why Mandy had been so crazy.

I said that it was okay, that it would all be fine, that she had nothing to worry about, that–

Holy crap. From around the side of the house, Mandy bolted at me again.

My first thought was, "I hope I don't crap my pants," and my second thought was, "I hope the tree will hold me a second time."

I made it back to the tree again in the nick of time. Mandy tried once more for my sweet, tender, surprisingly tasty flesh and Amy again had to bring the dog inside. This time, though, Amy went inside with her.

It was soon discovered that one of Amy's parents had left the back door open, which explained how the dog had escaped a second time.

It was the fright of my life, and Amy ran to me and gave me a big hug. She took hold of my shoulders and, her face less than a foot from mine, asked me if I was okay.

I said, "I am, now."

She smiled.

I kissed her.

We dated for five years. While it didn't work out in the end, we're still friends.

But Mandy never ended up liking me.


  1. Maybe he was on a diet? Or it could have been that sweet outfit you were rockin'. Who knows, he might have just been going for that sausage you had stuffed in your pants.


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