First Basement

Story Sent in by John:

At dinner, Elaine wouldn't shut up about her cousin, Tamara. Elaine droned on and on about how funny Tamara was, how many funny quotes Tamara posted to her Facebook wall, all of Tamara's silly online videos... I have to say, there's nothing less fun in this world than hearing about funny stuff on Facebook second-hand.

Hoping to switch gears by summing up, I told Elaine, "It sounds like you have a really good relationship with your cousin."

"You have no idea," Elaine said. "It's thanks to her that I lost my virginity."

"Er... you didn't lose it to her, did you?"

Elaine laughed as loudly at that as she likely did at Tamara's inane-sounding Facebook posts. "Of course not!" Elaine said, "I wish."

"You... wish?"

Without any explanation of that comment (hopefully meant in jest), Elaine said, "She set me up with a guy who lived in her dorm. We all got drunk at a party and he and I did it in her basement. A girl never forgets her first, though. And I miss him. It's been over a year."

Cashing in what little chips I had, I said, "Don't let me hold you back."

She reached across the table and tapped my hand. "You mean it?" she asked, "You're such a sweetie. Wanna split dinner?"

I did. As I reached for my wallet, she reached for her phone, dialed a number, and spoke to someone who I can only assume was her special basement guy-friend. She seemed really happy to be speaking with him, and once I had put down what I owed, I gave her a wave goodbye and left.

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