An Army of None

Story Sent in by Katherine:

I had been seeing Joe for a couple of weeks. Things were moving briskly, and when I invited him over for dinner one particular night, it was understood (at least on my part) that if he made a move to sleep with me, I'd be fine with it.

After dinner, we sat and talked for a bit on my couch. He inched closer to me, I inched closer to him, and the kissing started.

A few minutes later, he said, "I've been working on a great pick-up line for you."

As if he needed a pick-up line at that point. But I had a good sense of humor and was ready to play along. "What's your pick-up line?"

He gave me a serious look and said, "I want to invade your pants."

I cracked up. Wouldn't you? His line didn't kill the mood, but it was a funny thing to say.

Joe must've taken my reaction the wrong way, because he stood up and left. I let him leave, mostly out of surprise, and I called him to tell him that he could come back and invade if he wanted to, but it went to his voicemail. So I spent the night alone.

I didn't hear from him for the entirety of the next day. But that evening, I discovered about a thousand little green army men in the hallway outside my apartment, facing my door. Of course it had to be Joe. I had to laugh at that, too, despite the fact that it was weird as anything. I called him up and it went to his voicemail again.

I never heard from Joe again after that, and so I became the owner of a thousand little army figures. Most of them wound up at a thrift store, but a few still turn up around my apartment every now and again, hopelessly seeking to invade.


  1. I'd watch out if I were you OP. I think Joe made some friends....

    @ JMG - I see what you did there. Loved the name of her date!

  2. So if smiling and giggling wasn't the reaction he wanted, what was? Was she suppose to rip her clothes off and jump him yelling "invade me, GI Joe!"


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