Monkey Business Crew

(Make your great writing greater. Click here for eight story fixes on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by James:

At dinner with Melissa, we were chatting normally when she put her silverware down and asked me, "Were you raised by chimpanzees or something?"

I didn't know what I had done to prompt that question. I hadn't belched, picked my nose, or slurped my water. Even now, thinking on it, I can't pick out what I had done apparently wrong. So I said, "What are you talking about?"

She said, "Or maybe super-chimpanzees?"

"Sorry," I said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She said, "You seriously think what you just did was normal and all right?"

"What did I do? Maybe if you tell me I can fix it."

She laughed, shook her head, and went back to her meal. That effectively killed the conversation, although she looked up at me a few times afterward and burst into even more laughter. Around the end of dinner, she even swung her hands under her armpits and repeated, "Oo-oo ee-ee!" before collapsing into even more giggles.

Odd how she was behaving more like a monkey than I supposedly was. When we paid the check, she said, "I can't believe you don't realize how chimp-like you are. Just look at yourself!"

I asked, "You think I look like a chimpanzee?"

She said, "Or even just listen to yourself. I can't even understand your words! It's all just like chimp-speak! I can't get over this."

We parted ways after that. Luckily, I got over her just fine.


  1. Op, she was just embarrassed of herself being a chimpanzee that why she claimed you was one.

  2. I suspect she was part of a focus group for the Planet of the Apes sequel, and is suffering flashbacks.

  3. You could've slapped her face with you banana.


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