Motion for the Chair

Story Sent in by Frank:

I work in an antique store that carries all kinds of out-there things. Audrey was a notable visitor because she was around my age. Most customers we receive are of an older set. She was looking for a rocking chair and while we didn't have what she was looking for, she and I ended up in long conversation.

We were both artists who liked using found objects, and we even shared a few favorite books. Anyway, she gave me her number and although she lived an hour away, we made a first date happen a couple of weeks later. I was pretty excited about it, as it's a little tough to meet people in my area.

We met at an outdoor cafe with nice wrought-iron tables and chairs. She waited for me to sit down and then she pulled the chair out from under me.

I landed wrong and it hurt. A lot. She cackled and said, "That's for the rocking chair!"

I was pretty furious. "What rocking chair?"

She said, "You didn't have the rocking chair I was looking for in your store, remember? When I first met you?"

I said, "And so you hurt me? What the hell?"

She laughed it off, sat down in her own chair, and said, "Don't be a baby. Stop making a scene."

I stood up and left on the spot. Sure enough, I developed a nasty bruise.

While I didn't see her again, a little less than two years later, I heard that she was arrested for assault on a teacher (news travels fast in my area). So hopefully, maybe a little bit of justice was done after all.


  1. Good for you for leaving the lunatic. Most would have stayed, paid, hoping to get laid.

  2. Jaye - You're a poet my friend.

    A little help on some of the terms in this story:
    Artist - jobless
    Found objects - some rusted shit I found while dumpster diving behind the Cracker Barrel

  3. Op, when she sat you should have done the same thing, and then when she gets mad say the same thing don't be such a baby.

  4. What the hell was her problem?!? This behavior is absolutely moronic. It was have been far more strategic for her to sit down, put her feet on the chair legs underneath the table, and use her legs to push the chair away as you were sitting down. That way she would have had plausible deniability. Seriously, why are young people so stupid these days?!?


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