Richy and Scratchy

Story Sent in by Joan:

It didn't occur to me until almost 15 minutes into my date with Damon that he was watching me. Not in a sense that he was being respectful and looking at me while I spoke. It was almost as if he was studying me like Jane Goodall studies the apes. He kept looking me up and down and leaning in and out as if he was trying to gauge something. It was weird but I didn't know how to bring it up so I let it be.

It wasn't until I absently scratched my shoulder when he said, "A-ha! So you're a scratcher!"

I stopped itching. "Uh, yeah? Everyone scratches."

He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a small vial of unmarked lotion. "Not after trying this, they don't!" he said proudly. "It's itching cream. My own blend. I've sold a bunch of them. Put some on!"

He was so energetic (and kind of cute) that I took it and unscrewed the cap. I sniffed it and recoiled. It smelled like urine.

"It smells like urine," I said with a smile, hoping to water down any insult he'd take from it.

He said, "Yeah, it's a reaction that the different plant ingredients have once they're mixed. I'm working on it. Just try a dab on your skin."

I took a tiny amount, as he suggested, and rubbed it on, under my shirt. Sure enough, I didn't itch there again for the rest of the date.

Less than an hour after it ended, however, I came down with an awful case of hives right in that area. I emailed him to let him know and to ask for a detailed ingredient list. Admittedly, I should've asked him for it before putting it on. He never wrote back.


  1. You...put it on?! What?! You weren't at all creeped out by this dude watching you for any action he could use as an excuse for scent-marking you, and it didn't occur to you he was doing that even though it smelt of piss?

    *scratches head, away from Damon*

  2. If you like her just pull out your cock and piss on her to mark your territory. Us girls like a confident man.

  3. Given some of the more illegal things that can be absorbed through the skin, you might be lucky that all you got was a case of hives.

  4. You did what after smelling urine? Don't trust people you don't know.

  5. I shiver to think of what might have been in that bottle. I doubt urine causes hives, so there were probably a lot of nasty substances in that concoction. Yuck!

  6. I usually munch Altoids (like popcorn) while reading these, and then move on. Outside, trimming hedges, it was still disturbing me. She went on with the rest of the date after touching that stuff and assaulting herself - but she probably ate and drank without washing her hands. I can't stop thinking that it had fecal matter in it, and she needs to be tested for Hepatitis or something horrible. There - now I can go about my business in peace ! :P


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