Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooh

(Endings are beginnings? How so? Click here to find out on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Curtis:

I was at dinner with Juliet at a local chain bakery. It was a nice first date up until a woman with a baby came in and sat down at a nearby table.

"Oh my God!" Juliet said, losing it, "A baby!" She stood and knelt next to its high chair. "Look at the baby! Look at the baby! Baby baby baby! Baby baby babybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybabybaby!" She looked up at me and said, "Do you see this baby?"

I nodded.

"Peekaboo!" she said, hiding her face behind her hands. "Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo!"

The mother was just sort of watching without registering anything more than a weak smile. I was ready to move onto other topics.

Juliet, however, was just really into the baby. "Look at the baby!" she said, tickling its feet. "Look at the baby! Where's the baby? Look at the baby! Baby baby baby baby baby!"

"Okay, Juliet," I said, "Let's let them enjoy their dinner."

"It's okay," the mother said. She looked exhausted. "He loves the attention."

Oh, how Juliet's eyes lit up at that. "It's a boy baby!" Juliet squealed, "Boy baby boy baby boy baby boy baby! Look at the boy baby!"

Juliet finally stood up. I thought that meant she'd return to our table. Instead, she pulled her chair over to sit next to the baby. She tickled him some more. "Baby! You're a baby! You're a boy baby! Baby boy! Boy baby! Boy boy! Baby baby!"

She completely lost interest in me. I finished my dinner, waited a couple of minutes, and finally said, "Juliet, I'm going to go."

She turned to me. "Have you seen this baby? He's too cute!" She didn't wait for me to answer and turned back to the baby and said, "Baby baby baby! Who sees the baby? Who sees the baby? Ooh baby! Yes baby! Baby baby! Baby baby baby!"

I hope they had a long and fruitful life together.


  1. Sounds like a bad case of baby fever.

  2. I hate such people..enough already

  3. Someone needs to tell her that if she doesn't pretend to be "normal" on first dates, nobody will ever put one in her.

  4. Ha ha ha ha ha. Thank you all. I needed that.


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