That'll Teach You to Listen to Nickelback

(Breaking Bad's Vince Gilligan lectured on storytelling last week. Click here to find out what I asked him on this week's Jared's Inkwell! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Lakeshia:

Rodney was riding in my car on our second date. We had just seen Skyfall and were on our way to a pub for some late-night appetizers and drinks.

I had a half dozen CDs sandwiched between the front seats. He pulled them out and flipped through them. "Put in anything you want," I told him.

As I drove along, he looked through the stack a few times. Then he placed them on his lap, opened his window, and threw them all out.

I nearly slammed on the brakes, but I yelled, "What did you do?" and pulled over. He sat there like nothing was wrong. I said, "Go and pick them up!" We hadn't been traveling fast and they were probably not far behind us off the side of the road.

"Uh... no," he said, "It's not my fault your taste in music sucks. You should thank me."

I screamed, "Pick them up or get the hell out of my car!"


I turned the car off. We were a few miles from anywhere he wanted to be. And I had all night. After a few moments, he sighed heavily and said, "Can we go and pick them up together?"

I said, "I didn't throw them out of my car. You threw them, you pick them up."

"It's dark out. I don't even know where they are."

I didn't say anything, choosing to sit in silence until he took the hint. He left the car for a minute, paced back and forth, and pretended to look. In all honesty, I hadn't expected him to find anything, as the side of the road was full of trees and (as he said) dark. Despite that, I expected him to at least take me seriously, instead of just pacing around and looking up at the trees.

He tried the car door. I had locked it. He said, "I couldn't find them. Let me in."

I yelled, "You didn't even try! Look again!"

He tried the door once more. "This is b.s.! Let me in!" He kicked at my door.

I drove away and left him there, alone in the dark with my bad music. In the moment it felt like the right thing to do, but I've felt guilty about it since. I didn't hear from him ever again, so I assume he was just fine. I was ultimately able to replace my music and he's not in my life, so I guess things worked out well.


  1. > I didn't hear from him ever again, so I assume he was just fine.

    Wouldn't you also never hear from him again if he DIED?

  2. I think your conscience should be clear.

  3. "I didn't hear from him ever again, so I assume he was just fine."

    Chunky Horse LOVES this kind of logic...

  4. He got what he deserved. What an utter douchebag. I'm sure when he tells the tale to his friends he makes it seem like he was somehow the victim.

    On the plus side, the cost of a handful of c.d.s was a small price to pay for never having to talk to the guy again.

  5. I think he got 100% what he deserved.

  6. Steve, what is up with all the totally irrelevant references to Chunky Horse? That was not the funniest or most bizarre story on this web site.


  7. Just what Chunky Horse would say.

  8. Don't feel guilty. Douchebag got what he deserved.

  9. OP, you are my personal hero. I would want to ask you out based on nothing but how awesome you are at kicking douchebags to the curb.

    And to those saying "Oh, but what if Rodney died?!?" ask yourselves... would that really be such a big loss for humanity? Unless he was blood type O and had a spigot permanently installed in his neck so that we could tap it at will, I really don't see how much value jerks like this provide to any of us.

  10. Good move OP. But I'm a cheapskate so I would have gone back the ext day to find my CDs.

  11. What Ankh said. My budget is too tight to not go back and find them.

  12. The last thing that douche saw coming his way. Chunky Horse doesn't fuck around kids.

  13. I'm with Ankh too. And anyone who goes out of their way to destroy someone's property deserves to die. You can replace CDs, but not a person!

  14. Your lucky he did this just to your CD's. That man has no boundaries which could have turned out much worse for you later. Wow what a fruit loop. If he got lost out in the woods all the better for man kind.

  15. "And anyone who goes out of their way to destroy someone's property deserves to die. You can replace CDs, but not a person."

    That statement was totally contradictory. He deserves to die for throwing CDs out the window, but then you go on to say property can be replaced but people can't? .......wat?


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