A Better Place

Story Sent in by Scott:

My date with Ada went pretty great. She was fun to talk to, although whenever she spoke, she spent half of the time making eye contact with me and the other half painstakingly straightening her silverware. By the end of lunch, she had the straightest silverware in the city.

She had plans later that afternoon so the date ended. That night, she called me up and told me, "Congratulations."

I asked, "What did I win?"

She said, "You came in number one, today. I went on two other dates and you were the best. Congrats!"

Deciding to take it as a compliment, I thanked her. She asked me if I wanted to go out on a second date and I said yes.

Our next time out, we went on a walk and I joked with her, "Am I in competition with anyone else, today?"

She laughed it off and said, "No. You're the only one, today."

But imagine my surprise when she called that night and said, "You came in second today. Out of two. That's last place."

I said, "Oh. I thought you said that I was the only one you were seeing, today."

She replied, "I didn't want to tell you anything that would've changed the way you behaved. In any event, you'll have to step it up a little for next time."

Not intending to ask her out again, I pretended to be interested and asked, "Can you tell me how I can improve my ranking?"

She said, "No, but you can try to be a better listener. I mean, you came in a close second. Not bad at all. But still, last place for today."

I graciously accepted my second-place award and didn't call her again. Not even after she called me up after a few days to inform me that I had "slipped to fourth."


  1. That's too bad OP. You could have exchanged trophies with her if you'd won!

    Also, everyone, I think we need to take the time to create a little awareness about a serious issue we are all facing.

  2. I was on a date recently where the gentleman had the confidence and audacity to have another girl there at the same time for drinks and dinner. The three of us actually clicked & had a very enjoyable time and after too much to drink decided to settle things with a contest or as I like to call it a Suck Off.
    Long story shot I got a silver medal, that is, I came second. It took a lot of effort from myself and our golden boy to eventually get the other hungry girl over the line for a squirting bronze.
    All that aside, lets all get behind a Cure EVS Ribbon Day. I propose the first day of next month.

  3. I am so game try! Can we have a march? Maybe a parade?

  4. If that girl keeps thinking that dating is a competition, she'll eventually find herself in last place!

  5. I'm certainly organising a March for Cure EVS Ribbon Day. I'm marching to the nearest bar with a backpack full of Viagra and Rohypnol.

  6. I take the fight against EVS personally, as I have met many people who suffer from it. That's why I try to treat my girlfriend's EVS with regular doses of Vitamin Wolf as often as humanly possible. It was touch and go for a little while there, but thankfully she is now in remission, and I think we've finally managed to beat this thing off.

  7. God bless both Dr Wolf & vitamin Wolf. My thoughts & prayers are with you. I kindly ask everyone to buy a Cure EVS Day Ribbon on the first of next month to show your support.

  8. I'll be distributing ribbons to everyone (weather they want them or not) so be sure to look for yours which will arrive promptly on the first of next month. Try and I will be marching to our local bars and we encourage you to join us and wear your ribbons with pride. We all have to work together to cure EVS.


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