Rhymes with Orange

Story Sent in by David:

Jacquelyn was an odd find on eHarmony. She was very friendly and talkative, which was unusual for most of the women I found on there. However, she seemed to have a very short attention span and flitted from topic to topic.

When we were out to dinner, the waitress asked her what she wanted to drink.

Jacquelyn replied, "I want or-ange so-da," careful to enunciate each syllable.

The waitress said, "Sorry, we don't have orange soda. We have Coke, Sprite–"

"I want or-ange so-da," Jacquelyn said again.

The waitress repeated, a bit slower, "We have Coke, Sprite–"

"I want or-ange so-da," Jacquelyn repeated.

I cut in, "How about a Sprite? That's like orange soda without the orange."

The waitress jotted it down and left before Jacquelyn could argue. She then launched into a discussion about her shoes, her job, and the planet Venus. It was all very bewildering.

When the waitress came back with our drinks, she asked us if we wanted to hear the specials. I did, so she started on them. Jacquelyn, though, stared at the mysterious transparent bubbly beverage before her and finally said, "This isn't or-ange so-da."

It tripped up the waitress a bit, but she kept going until she finished with the specials. I thanked her and she went on her way. Jacquelyn took the opportunity to talk about coffee, summer camp, and shaving mugs.

When the waitress came back to take our food orders, Jacquelyn told her, "I want or-ange so-da."

That was all she said, and so I put in my order. Then the waitress left again and Jacquelyn was as bubbly as her Sprite, once more. Whenever the waitress came by, though, she would become weird and ask for orange soda. All Jacquelyn had for dinner was Sprite and bread sticks.

After dinner, I asked her if she wanted to take a walk to a nearby convenience store to grab a can of orange soda.

"No," she informed me, "I actually hate orange soda."

"Okay," I said, accepting that she was insane. I bid her goodnight shortly thereafter.


  1. Yeah, your date clearly was not from around these parts.

  2. Door hinge. Rhymes with orange.

    But, here in Philly, we say ahr-inge, not oar-ange.

  3. I think she knew that resturant didn't have orange soda and wanted to be a jerk. And she probably knew the waitress too.

  4. But, here in Philly, we say ahr-inge, not oar-ange.
    We also say wooder instead of water, and a**hole instead of Sidney Crosby.

  5. Listen, next time don't ask out the poor seventeenish high school student if you're interested in an adult encounter instead of soda shenanigans

    @ D R - that reminds me of something.

    @JMG - wanted to share the best part of my night last night. Let's just say you played a star turn in it.

  6. If you can't get orange soda you can always try to make your own.

  7. I don't care how much of a "dry spell" you've had, OP - can it be really SO bad that you're forced to date mentally handicapped women?

  8. This is who she should have gone on a date with. Solid!


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