But Above Her Own Father, Hopefully

Story Sent in by Brad:

Julie made a big show of chewing her drink's ice cubes on our first date. I asked her, "You like ice cubes?"

She responded, "People who chew ice cubes are supposedly frustrated. You know what I mean."

I knew what she meant. I asked her, "How frustrated would you say you are?"


Thinking I might score, I said, "That's an awful way to be."

"It is, but I'm not planning on being satisfied anytime soon. Especially not with you. You least of all, in fact. You'd be at the bottom of my list. Right beneath cow dung."

It wasn't an answer I expected or wanted, but I guess in retrospect, her brutal honesty was... well… honest. When the check came and I insisted on splitting it, she seemed genuinely disappointed that she had to pay for herself. That's what happens, I guess, when you're on a date with cow dung. Sheesh.


  1. She wasn't on a date with cow dung. You're BENEATH cow dung. She needs teh secks soooo badly, but she won't let you anywhere near her magical vajayjay that cures cancer and enlightens the world. Now get out that wallet and pay for her ice cubes!

  2. Correction: OP is LOWER than cow dung. If she were on a date with a pile of manure, that would be a step up.

  3. Damn you Steve! You beat me to it!

  4. Excuse me gentlemen, but you're ALL wrong. OP is in fact the mushroom spore growing up from underneath the cow dung patty. One day he may manage to bust his head through that smelly hardened crust, but until then, it's his duty to buy glaciers for all the frigid women.


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