How Does One Ride an Actual Chicken?

Story Sent in by Valerie:

Admittedly, I didn't know Herb too well before we met in real life. In retrospect I wish I had known him better! He took me out to a cheap place for an early dinner and asked me the whole time if I wanted to "ride his chicken."

I thought I knew what he meant by that and I declined each time he offered it to me. But then, after dinner, he walked me past his car and showed me that in fact, in his back seat, he had an actual live chicken! It was strutting about in abject filth, like it had never been clean.

"You're so suspicious," he told me, "I was actually talking about an actual chicken."

I told him I was disgusted and threatened to call the cops about the animal's welfare. He laughed and drove away, but not before I took down his license plate. I did end up calling the cops on him, but whether or not they did anything, I have no idea.


  1. My initial thought after reading this story: Herb's car is so filthy that chickens roost and lay eggs there.

    Second thought: The chicken was bequeathed the car by Herb's crazy, chicken loving Uncle Sanders but a provision in the will allows Herb to drive the car as long as he takes the chicken with him and introduces the chicken to everyone he meets.

    Third thought: Herb's ass is henpecked and smells like chicken guts because he rides chickens like ponies.

  2. Valerie: Hello? I'd like to report a crime.
    Police: What is the crime ma'am?
    Valerie: A man I went on a date with has a chicken in the back of his car and I think it's in danger!
    Police: .......
    Valerie: ...It's in his car, and it was dirty!
    Police: ...The car was dirty or the chicken was dirty?
    Valerie: Both!
    Police: Can you describe the chicken ma'am?
    Valerie: .....It was a chicken....and it was dirty?
    Police: Did the chicken have a name? Any alias it might go by that could help in tracking it down?
    Valerie: IT WAS A CHICKEN!
    Police: I see, is that Mr. Chicken? Or just Chicken like Cher?
    Valerie: ....This is ridiculous!
    Police: That's exactly my point ma'am.


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