Forgive and Foreclose

(The hows and whys of exposition, this week on Jared's Inkwell. Click here to check it out! -JMG)

Story Sent in by Brendan:

Anica and I dated in high school for a little under two years. She cheated on me with a friend of mine, and so we stopped dating and stopped talking. We graduated and that was the last I heard of her.

She emailed me almost 10 years later, out of the blue. She wrote a long message about what she had been doing with her life for the past decade. She peppered it with enough strategic compliments for me to realize that she was buttering me up for something, and sure enough, she wrote in the message that she wanted to see me, if I was comfortable with the idea.

I remembered the good times we had had together, but she was a little late. The time to have been nice to me would've been, you know, before she decided to fool around behind my back. Still, 10 years can change a person, and I didn't think that seeing her again would do any harm. She had been pretty in high school, and I had no idea what she looked like after 10 years. I looked her up online, and she had gone from pretty to absolutely stunning.

I was living and working about 40 minutes away, but we met up at a diner in the town in which we had graduated. It was poetic, I guess. When she showed up, the strangest thing happened. It was like all of the happy memories we had made together suddenly hit me again. Things I hadn't thought about in years came flowing back. All of her smiles, her kisses, her hugs... it all hit me again, all at once. It was so good to see her.

The conversation picked up as if we hadn't missed a day. There was so much to talk about, and I found myself doing the unthinkable: I hoped that she found me attractive. She was very attentive when I spoke and was brimming with compliments. I thought it was awesome that I was rekindling an old flame.

Then she arrived at the point. She said, "Do you remember Evan?"

I sure did. Evan was the guy she left me for. He and I hadn't spoken since then. Why was she bringing him up now?

"He and I were together for four years after high school, then we broke up." That much, I thought I knew. I had heard about them through the grapevine, but never by choice.

She continued, "But in the past year, we got back together and it's been awesome. I think he's my mate."

That was the word she used. "Mate." My libido crashed through the floor, through the earth, across interstellar space, and deep into the Andromeda Galaxy.

"But now he's in jail," she said.

I was surprised, pleased, and disappointed. Is it possible to be all three at once? Surprised because I never thought he'd wind up in jail, pleased because he was a dick, and disappointed because Anica still saw something in him.

I asked, "Why's he in jail?"

She said, "It's private. Anyway, I just found out I'm pregnant and we've got no money and with Evan in jail I can use some... some help..."

"Help?" I asked, "Like moral support? Or money?"

She looked down, then up at me, then whispered, "Money. I'm sorry. I just remember you being a nice guy, and my family won't talk to me and his family's got nothing and I remembered that you used to be so nice and I..."

"How much?" I asked.

"I dunno. Like $3,000?"

I laughed in her face and said, "Ten years ago, you didn't seem to need me at all. Now that your winner boyfriend's in trouble, you want my help?"

Anica said, "It was Evan's idea. He thought that if you gave us money it would make up for you not forgiving us."

I said, "So... you want me to pay? To forgive you?"

Anica said, "You owe us forgiveness. And what better way to prove it than with money?"

I laughed, said, "Good luck to you both," and kept laughing all the way home.


  1. Again, if he had shot her in the face I still would have thought he was the good date.
    Why haven't any of the bad date recipients killed their bad dates? I smell a cover-up.

  2. That's a good story, OP. And also, wow. Thanks for not being a pushover, though. I appreciate that.

  3. I'd like to see an x-ray of this girl's brain because in it's place would be a little squirrel just running around. What kind of insane person would think this would work? All I can think of is the 30 Rock episode with Jon Hamm who is so attractive, people do anything to make him happy.

    Also, I think the OP was right to turn her down. Even though he could have forced her into prostitution, I think it's better that she go live in a van down by the river.

  4. Wow. What an awful, sad, and disgusting story. I can't believe the absolute nerve of some people. Feeling so bad for the OP - you could totally get laid with that story OP, but you seem like a nice, stand up guy and would probably never do that. Good on ya.

  5. I think all the other commenters are missing the larger point, which is that even trashy sluts can eventually meet and settle down with their perfect soulmate (during visitation hours only, of course). Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think that's inspiring! This one definitely deserves the "cheery stories" tag.

  6. I think all of you need to get your money together and buy me a new wall where it was removed so that I could get outside for my date with Jarrrrrrrrrred. It would help make up for you all being jealous that I got within inches of getting lucky. Three glorious inches.

  7. I feel bad for the op, I do. I don't think I'd date him though. He could have replaced the whole middle section with "poor me, poor me" and story would not lose much.

  8. I guess I sound harsh but I hate two things useless decorative filling in the story and self pity. OP went ahead and used useless decorative writing for self pity!

  9. You should have referred her to the welfare office, where the other morally-bankrupt strumpets go to receive financial support for their bad decisions.

  10. "Anica said, "It was Evan's idea. He thought that if you gave us money it would make up for you not forgiving us.""

    Wow, that just explained so much. I've seen that kind of behavior before, but never the rationalization behind it.

    I'm guessing that same mindset is how he ended up in jail.
    ("I was a jerk to you, you got mad at me, therefore I am entitled to your belongings."

  11. Strumpet rhymes with crumpet.

  12. Amazing. Best story I've read in a while.

  13. The OP is a cheap selfish asshole for not shelling out the $3k as it would have set a brilliant precedent that would have allowed me to retire immediately.

    All those people I've done disgusting & degrading things to who, quite rightly, never forgave me were to be invoiced three grand each. But not now! Thanks for ruining 2013 OP

    Lingering rhymes with fingering.
    Isn't poetry wonderful.

  14. Long time reader, first tome commenter....

    REALLY? That girl must be spoiled and used to getting her own way. This is that thing they call Karma. Tell her that since she is preggers and doesn't want to get a real job, she can get a free house, free food and free insurance, since she just wants to be handed things instead of working for them. I bet she jipped some other ex to do the same thing. She probably has a couple thousand in the bank! SHE IS PROBABLY NOT EVEN PREGGO. :/

  15. Holy crap, what bold audacity. I'm glad you were able to laugh it off...because an FU would have been totally appropriate. I've read a lot of the stories here and in the archives, but this experience is nothing like any of them. What kind of mind thinks like that? I'm glad you dismissed her.

  16. Honestly, I think it should be the other way around.


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