No Pain, No Sane

Story Sent in by Kristofer:

Annie and I had been on a few dates already, and I was at her place and we popped in a movie to watch. Over the opening credits, she leaned forward, stretched, and groaned a bit. She said that her back hurt her, and I offered to give her a massage, which she accepted.

After about 10-15 minutes, I stopped and asked her if she felt any better. She said, "Don't stop."

I went back to massaging her, but only for about another five to 10 minutes. I stopped and she again said, "Don't stop. It's just now starting to feel better."

I went back to work for another 10 minutes, then said, "Okay, my hands need a break."

"Don't stop!"

"Give me a break, here."

"Don't stop!"

"Give me five minutes!"

She groaned, swung her own arms back in a contorted position, and then massaged herself. She was at it for a minute when she said, "Now my arms hurt. Thanks."

I said, "They're not supposed to bend that way."

She slid off the couch and lay down on the floor, on her side. She then stretched her legs back, as if trying to reach her own back with her feet.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"My arms hurt too much to keep going, so I'm trying... errggh, trying to... aagghh... trying to... massage my back with my feet."

I said, "Come back up here. I can massage you a bit more."

"No. Wouldn't want you to hurt your delicate hands. You'll need them to work on yourself, later on, since you're not getting any from me, tonight."

I did my best to enjoy the rest of the movie while she writhed on the floor. Finally, she fell asleep on the floor, I covered her with a quilt, and went home. She never reached out to me again, after that nonsense.


  1. Poor guy....but you're probably used to quitting just when it's getting good and the woman having to finish herself off.

  2. Are you shitting me? This can't be real.
    She wanted you to make a move, not massage her.
    Grow a pair and next time someone asks you for a massage like that you use the opportunity to get close, kiss her and rock her world.

  3. "I had reach, but she had flexibility."
    - Garrus Vakarian, Mass Effect 3

  4. Ha!!!! I know this feeling I give great massages!!!! and when my hands hurts i don't stop til it really really hurts. =)

  5. You should have massaged the back of her throat with your balls. Everyone knows the womens crave a happy ending teabag.
    Plus, the pubes add an extra tickle of sensuality.

  6. "She never reached out to me again, after that nonsense."
    And if she did it would probably have been with her feet.

  7. Yes, I think the appropriate response to her first "Don't stop" would be "I think I would do a better job if you were lying on your tummy on your bed. And maybe if we took your shirt off, I might really be able to get those kinks out." Maybe that's not as smooth as it should go, but why oh why did you miss this opportunity? She might have thought that you didn't want her because you weren't responding to her basically making a move. So that's why she told you you weren't getting any tonight. But a gentle "I'm sorry, Baby, come here"...and a hug...followed by the above line may have still lead to some hanky panky. But instead you watched an entire movie while your poor, horny lady was writhing on the floor. She may have had a back ache, but hot sex is always good medicine for back pain. So for the record Team Annie. And OP, maybe next time you'll do better.

  8. She wasn't making a move. She was being bossy, selfish, and dramatic. I went through a prove-to-me-you-love-me-by-massaging-my-back-FOREVER-but-don't-expect-any-kind-of-reciprocation phase in the early 90s and Annie is a classic case. Thankfully it can be cured.

  9. I wonder if some of these reactions would be the same if the genders were reversed.

  10. Blue, I'd say she was definitely being passive aggressive, but not that bad on the bossy/selfish/dramatic scale. And Ashley, I'd say the same exact thing if the genders were reversed. Missing a clue is missing a clue. But these are all speculations and conjectures. At any rate, I don't personally feel all that bad for OP.


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