Dispense Her

Story Sent in by Rob:

Samantha and I were out to dinner, and I went to the bathroom. When I came back to the table, she excused herself to use the facilities, as well. I assumed she'd be gone for a little bit, to wash her hands and what-not.

Our food arrived a little while thereafter, and Samantha hadn't returned. I waited... and waited... and waited. I called her cell and she picked up to say that her hands were wet, the bathroom's automatic paper towel dispenser was broken, and she didn't know what to do. I recommended that she leave the bathroom and just ask a waiter for a spare napkin, which she said was a good idea.

When she returned to the table, with dry hands and a used napkin, she said, "The sensor or something was broken. I waved my hands for like, 20 minutes, but the paper didn't want to come out."

When I had gone to the men's room, the dispenser had been manual, not automatic, basically meaning that you had to pull the paper towels out, yourself. When I explained that to her, she gasped and said, "Oh... do you think maybe it was a manual dispenser in the ladies' room? There was a paper towel sticking out of it, but when I waved my hands beneath it, nothing happened."

It was entirely possible. I then asked her if, instead of just grabbing the paper towel, she had just spent all that time waving her hands around beneath it. She said, "Yes, I really thought it was an automatic dispenser."

I asked, "But why wouldn't you just grab the paper towel after a few seconds of seeing that it wasn't working automatically?"

She said, "My hands were wet. Thank God you suggested to use a napkin."

I agreed. "You'd still be there."

"With wet hands!" She laughed like a moron. Only date.


  1. Thank goodness you called her. She'd still be there. And with such wet hands.

  2. You should see her trying to walk into a 7-11, waving her hands frantically in front of the automatic door while it mysteriously doesn't respond.

  3. Meh, she was a dinner whore with a boyfriend, to whom she was speaking while in the bathroom. The paper towel thing was just a cover. I've seen this a million times. It's called "pulling a KatieGirl."

  4. What the hell would she have done if there was no toilet paper? Not the sharpest cheddar in the fridge, that's for sure.

  5. Wow, dumb doesn't begin to cover this girl. If you put her brain in a gnat's head it would sound like a marble rolling around in a shoe box.

  6. wow! op, did you ever consider maybe she never been to a bathroom @ a resturant with a manual dispenser?

  7. wow! Blue Blue, did you ever consider that never having used a manual paper towel dispenser (unlikely as that is) is not an excuse for total idiocy? I mean, really. Jesus.

  8. I can prove this story is fake. How was she able to answer her phone if her hands were so wet?



  9. I'm with TacoDave. Especially if it was an iPhone. No one would dare touch a $7,999 phone, or however much it costs, with wet hands.

    Well, except for these people:

  10. Ever thought maybe she was constipated and was too embarrassed to say anything....maybe it was preferable to come across as stupid instead of "I'm so sorry, I have to crap"

  11. Ease up y'all! I happen to BE a stupid person. But even I woulda wiped my clean, wet hands on my jeans!

  12. 20 minutes, wouldn't her hands have air-dried by then?

  13. Totally my thought, Ellendra. At *some* point that would just be dried from the amount of waving she was supposedly doing.

  14. I think is a sad story on how some humans have become so dependent on technology that when it isn't present they can't fend for themselves. Either that or this chick was lacking in general intelligence. Time to move on!

  15. Wow! Kez, it might not be an excuse for total idiocy but you don't know her, and yes i seen it happen in real life girls who don't know how to use a manual one. So yeah you think it not an excuse but have you seen it real life? I have. You must not have a life Kez, cause you like belittling people.

  16. Belittling someone because they're too daft to dry their hands without the aid on an automatic paper towel dispenser/ can't work a manual one seems pretty reasonable to me.

  17. Even if you had never seen a manual paper towel holder in your entire life it doesn't make any sense to not try to take the paper towel you can actually see poking out.

    I'm not sure if the reply function works after the site redesign... (That raises another thought, where are the story ratings!)


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