Story Sent in by Kevin:

A while ago, Lynda and I were in a mall together on a date when she tried on a black beret in a clothing store. "Look at me! I'm French!" she said when she tried it on.

She kept it on as she browsed around, and ultimately tried to wear it out of the store. The anti-theft sensors beeped and an associate came over, noticed the tags on the beret, and asked Lynda to remove it.

Lynda said, "This is my beret. I don't know what you're talking about." She then winked at me in full view of the saleswoman.

The saleswoman again asked for the beret and said that she'd call security.

Well, Lynda didn't like that one bit, and she removed the beret and threw it like a frisbee, into the store.

"Security!" the saleswoman shrieked, and Lynda ran out of the store. I pursued her, I suppose, because she was my date.

Later on, we were at the food court together when a security guard approached us and asked if we had tried to steal a beret from that store.

Lynda said, "It wasn't us. Sorry," and the guard gave her a hard stare. Lynda said, "Do you have anything else to harass us about?"

"Watch that mouth," the security guard said.

"You watch yours," she replied, "My mall money pays your salary."

"We're watching you," he said, "Both of you."

It was the "both of you" that made me say to Lynda, after he had gone, "Maybe we should leave."

"And let them win? No. Now, it's a challenge. I want that beret. You going to help me?"



She stood up and left me there. I followed a little way behind her to see if she was actually going to try it. I didn't endorse theft, but I thought that the saleswoman and the guard had nasty attitudes, so I was kind of hoping that Lynda would pull it off.

She sneaked back into the store, as I watched from across the hall. I couldn't see her much beyond that, but when I saw her again, she was walking fast, and must have had the beret hidden somewhere. She fast-walked out of the store, the sensors beeped, and she ran for an exit. Security didn't show, and it looked to me like she got away with it.

I didn't run after her immediately, as I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I walked in the other direction, toward another exit, and headed out.

Lynda and I didn't go out together again, but she did put up new dating site profile photos of herself, wearing the beret.


  1. Sounds like the mall near where I grew up. A guy stole something from a jewelry store, security chased him, he jumped down from one floor to another, smashed his leg up pretty badly, and, with a limp, still managed to outrun them.

  2. Jared, when an OP is clearly dating a public figure, like Winona Ryder here, please use their real name.

    PS I love it when women act naughty, and I suspect Lynda was testing the OP, but I hate being a criminal more than I love bad girls. Team OP.

  3. "I didn't endorse theft, but I thought that the saleswoman and the guard had nasty attitudes, so I was kind of hoping that Lynda would pull it off."

    I was almost Team OP until I read this bullshit. Did the OP expect the saleswoman and the guard to be nice to his date (and him) after she tried to steal a damn beret of all things?

  4. I didn't endorse theft, but I thought that the saleswoman and the guard had nasty attitudes, so I was kind of hoping that Lynda would pull it off.

    OP, you sir are a loser. The reason they had a nasty attitude is because is your date attempted to steal something and then put up an attitude about it. They should have asked both of y'all to leave or called the real police. I'm sure they'd love to give you a real attitude.

    Plus taking some chick you meet off a dating website to the mall food court for a meal. Thats just weird too.

  5. Simple solution to a problem like this is to tell the person to leave the mall or the cops will be called to report an attempted theft/trespassing. As for bad girls, this is minor peanuts. Jodi Arias, now that is A BAD GIRL.

    I was a bad girl up until recently. I tried fighting with the popo. I was successful for quite some time but eventually got my ass handed to me. I am now a well behaved individual.

  6. I can't fathom why OP even stayed with her after the attempted theft. He should have called her out on her stealing and left. OP and his date both had bad attitudes.

  7. I really don't endorse the theft except when I do.

  8. "She wore a raspberry beret! The kind you steal from a second hand store..."

  9. tanett: Works the same for either gender, unfortunately.

  10. " I didn't endorse theft, but I thought that the saleswoman and the guard had nasty attitudes, "

    They had nasty attitudes because every day they have to deal with people pulling this kind of crap!

    Team Saleswoman + Security Guard

  11. I agree, Jason. I totally agree. We are all morons. Unfortunately. sigh...


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