Valentine's Day Massacre

Story Sent in by Amy:

Josh and I had been seeing each other for a few weeks, and after a couple of touchy-feely movie nights, it was evident that things were going to go further. One Friday, we went out to dinner, and we ended up back at my place, all over each other from the instant we walked in. We wound up on my bed, and clothes were pulled off.

I own a set of underwear in which each pair has a holiday theme. There's a Valentine's Day pair, a St. Patrick's Day Pair, a fourth of July pair, a Christmas pair, and so on. It was a birthday gift from a girlfriend, and although I had been in the habit of wearing each respective pair on its respective day, that didn't stop me from wearing them throughout the year (sacrilege, I know). This particular Friday, I happened to be wearing my Valentine's Day pair.

When Josh and I reached the point of pant-removal, he stopped and stared at my underwear.

I whispered, "What's wrong?"

He said, "It isn't Valentine's Day."

Anxious to keep things moving, I said, "Yeah, I know. I just wear them, whenever."

I reached for him, but he pulled away. He said, "It seriously isn't Valentine's Day. I mean, it really, really isn't."

He sounded like a little kid, pointing out that the mall Santa wasn't real Santa. I was ready to do this, and he was really about to sabotage the whole thing. I said, "Want me to change? Or take them off?"

Without another word, he stood up from the bed, dressed himself, then went to my nightstand, pushed my bedside lamp to the floor, and left the room.

"Josh!" I called after him, and I threw on a robe and followed, but he was gone by the time I reached the front door.

The only other thing I did that night was set my lamp back onto my nightstand (it hadn't broken. The floor was carpeted) and go to bed.

He called the next day to ask if I was okay. I asked him why he had freaked out the prior night, and he said, "I can't believe you wore that underwear on a day that wasn't Valentine's Day. Do you have any idea how insulting that was to me? If you apologize, we can go out again."

We didn't go out again.


  1. He must have gotten freaked out when he realized "We're about to DO IT" and was desperately grabbing at a way to escape that didn't involve saying "I'm not ready" or "I'm gay."

  2. Guess Josh had a bad case of teh gheys.

    Seriously though OP, how tacky is that? You don't wear white after Labor day and you damn sure don't wear Valentines day underwear when it isn't Valentines day!

  3. I too am incredibly insulted! Apologize to your readers! He was probably upset because all guys know real women don't wear underwear.

  4. This was A Bad Case of the Vaginosis.

  5. Well, she had been wearing them nonstop since Valentine's Day, 2001.

  6. i think he was probably upset because she neglected to wear the matching bra. major first time hanky panky faux pas.

  7. I swear it wasn't me. I would have done it.

  8. Did they say "I have a heart on for you?" Because that would be kinda disturbing...

  9. "Do you have any idea how insulting that was to me?"

    ...How? Did something awful happen to him on Valentine's Day or something? This conversation would have been the time for him to admit to not being ready. I don't know why he'd keep up with being freaked out over this if he isn't going to explain it anyway.


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