Don't Leave Him Alone in the Produce Section

(What could've been better in Argo and Zero Dark Thirty? A lot. Click to find out on Jared's Inkwell.)

Story Sent in by Carolyn:

Back in college, John was one of my coworkers at a local chain grocery store, near the school. We had a lot of the same shifts together, and we flirted in between customers. When he finally asked me out, a few months after we became acquainted, I wondered what had taken him so long. It was pretty clear that we had chemistry.

He took me to a funky restaurant/bar for dinner and drinks, and we made out in his car after a great night out. A small bouquet of flowers appeared in my stock room cubby at work the next day. Everything was happy.

Well, until he told me his secret. And by told me, I mean showed me.

We had gone out together a few times over the following couple of weeks. We hadn't gone much further than slipping hands under each other's clothes while kissing, but it looked as though things were heading further and further ahead.

One night, I was over at his sublet, and we were on his couch in a common area, watching a movie. His roommates were about, walking around intermittently, so we didn't do much other than hold hands, but about an hour into the film, he turned to me, kissed me, and said, "Want to come outside with me for a sec?"

I followed him to his backyard, and we stopped and looked up at the sky. It was cloudless and warm, and I very likely would've done just about anything that he wanted to do. He took my hand. I squeezed his hand, then put my arm around him and rested my head against his shoulder.

Then it sounded like it was raining. That was weird. There were no clouds, and the sound came from the ground. I looked down.

His fly was open, and he was peeing.

Well, I let go of him and stepped away. I exclaimed something I can't remember and turned away. I laughed... I couldn't help it, but then as I faced away from him, I asked, "What the hell are you doing?"


"I can see that! Why?"

"You don't like it?"

"No! God, find a bathroom!"

He turned to me and asked, "Did I get any on you?"


He frowned and said, "Damn it."

I must've said something like, "Can we go back in, now?" because we wound up back inside, although my attraction to him had gone down a few notches. I wasn't going to just up and leave, as we had had such a nice time together up until that... incident.

I had a feeling that he felt embarrassed about it, and I didn't mention it again that night. I went home, disturbed, but not necessarily ready to break things off. I was young and in college, and to be honest, I had never been in that kind of situation before (nor have I since!).

He called up the next day and asked if I wanted to get together. I told him I'd have time in the afternoon. He asked me if I'd let him pee on me, and I told him that I wouldn't.

He said, "Oh," and hung up.

Our dating stopped after that, but as you can imagine, the awkwardness in the grocery store thereafter was palpable.


  1. I am amazed and horrified by the number of people on this site (and therefore maybe out in the world) who think that the appropriate way to introduce your kink is to just whip it out and surprise someone with it.

    1. Agreed! Why not just talk about your fetish and she might be up for it?

  2. Chunky Horse would date this girl - she sounds hot to trot...

  3. " I very likely would've done just about anything that he wanted to do"

    Tease! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27d_Do_Anything_for_Love_%28But_I_Won%27t_Do_That%29

    1. "just about" is about the heaviest of the heavy-duty escape clauses.

  4. That's what you get for dating R Kelly, OP.

    Seriously though, if someone isn't mature enough to discuss their kinks with a potential partner beforehand, they're not mature enough to have sex. One person's turn-on is another person's squick, so communication is key. Especially if it's the only way someone can get off, which sounds like the case with this guy since he dropped the OP as soon as he found out she wasn't into golden showers.

  5. Maybe the only way he can get a girl wet is to piss on them? Good thing his fetish wasn't a "hot plate"

    1. Missed you, Howie. Don't leave us again.

  6. Why oh why couldn't he have just been into S&M or three ways with his room mates, because "just about anything" included those....but not pee.....never pee...

    I've heard of wanting to be urinated on but never wanting to be the urinater (R. Kelly excluded of course). Just goes to show you there is a kink for everyone out there.

    1. for some, it's about asserting dominance over a partner. sub/dom stuff. c'mere, and let me pee on your leg, architect.

    2. Ok, but only if I can put a collar on you, walk you around the neighborhood, and whack you on the nose with a news paper when you pee on me.

    3. methinks the architect has finally revealed himself as a furry.

      and i can dig it.

  7. Am I the only one hoping he stays away from the asparagas in said produce section?

  8. This reminds me of the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie's politician boyfriend wants her to pee on him.

  9. You know what would have made it impossible for her to say no?...a mouthful of pee.


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