Bring Her to an Aircraft Carrier

Story Sent in by Seth:

Lindsay and I visited a university's art museum on our first date. As we browsed the galleries, we chatted a bit, but Lindsay seemed uneasy. She pointed at a painting here, a painting there, and asked me, "What's that one's worth?"

I didn't recognize most of the artists' names, but one or two were names I knew of, so I replied something like, "Thousands, hundreds of thousands, maybe a million or more for a couple."

"Any one of these could set me up for life."

I agreed, or would have, if Lindsay didn't suddenly break away from me and head toward the entrance. I thought at first that she thought the gallery decadent, and that in disgust she was leaving. But when she arrived at the front desk, she said to the sweet little old (probably volunteer) lady, "Give me one of the paintings."

The sweet little old lady said, "I'm sorry? You can buy lithographs and posters in our gift shop."

Lindsay asked the lady, "Can I sell one of your lithographs for hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars?"

The lady looked as though she was genuinely saddened to say, "I don't think so."

Lindsay went on, "Starving people walk past your museum while any painting here can feed them for a lifetime. And your contemporary paintings are garbage. I could paint something better with snot."

"That's fine, Miss."

"How much for a painting?"

"They're not for sale."

"Who owns them?"

"The university."

"Give me a name!"

"The university."

"The university will hear from me." Lindsay turned to me. "Let's go."

We went. Once we were outside, she asked me, "Anger makes me hungry. Where to for lunch?"

She didn't mention her strange art museum outburst again, and I was content to drop it completely. We went to lunch, I paid, and there was certainly no second date.


  1. Hmm.. can't think of anything snarky to say. Just yet another entitled beotch from the "Me" Generation.

    Question: How does this girl know the university didn't buy the paintings from people of modest means? You hear about people finding valuable paintings in their attic all the time. So, if that were the case, the university DID, in fact, feed someone for a lifetime.

    Oh, she's incapable of thinking about things other than herself? Gotcha...

  2. Why in the world OP did you to go to lunch with someone, and pay, who attempted to commit a crime then acted irrationally when confronted about it? Sad, sad, sad, sad...

    1. She probably had a killer rack...

    2. Relevant: http://www.explosm.net/comics/3018/

    3. I agree, when she showed the crazy it was no longer a date. I don't think she attempted to commit any crimes, she just asked for a painting.

    4. Unknown: I now blame you for my lack of productivity.

  3. ^EXACTLY. I almost wish people would lie and say "date over" right after the crazy part, instead of telling us how they continued the date with a crazy person because they're so desperately lonely. Ja-Heeeeez.

  4. Would he get as much flak if the last paragraph was:

    "She didn't mention her strange art museum outburst again, and I was content to drop it completely. We went to lunch, I paid, then headed back to her place where we screwed on top of her trash littered bed. Crazy girl sex is amazing! Then I ditched her and there was certainly no second date."

    He's sad for buying her lunch, but he'd be a dirt bag for screwing her (and maybe infected with some Trash TDs)....Not really sure which is worse.

    1. Don't forget he had sex with her twice, while her male twin watched.

  5. Hmmmm... I don't see the problem with going out with someone with alturistic entrepreneurial aspirations.

    Also, I have a real hard time picturing someone saying, "Anger makes me hungry." It's just too pat and corny to be true. It's like something from a college freshman's attempt at fiction writiting.

  6. Maybe all Lindsays are "entitled" to get stuff for free? See: Lindsay Lohan

  7. Why did he take the psycho to lunch ?!!!!!???!!Wow...


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