Sorbet Loser

Story Sent in by Gretta:

Albert took me out to an ice cream place, and when it was our turn to order, he stepped ahead of me and said, "I'll have the cake batter, and she'll have the non-fat lime sorbet."

I piped up, "Actually, I'll have the turtle tracks."

Albert spun to me and said, "I think you meant non-fat lime sorbet," then turned to the girl behind the counter and repeated, "She meant the non-fat lime sorbet."

I replied, "No, I want the turtle tracks, but thank you anyway."

The ice cream girl said, "So one cake batter and one turtle tracks?"

"No!" Albert said, "A cake batter and the lime sorbet!"

The ice cream girl, to her credit, said, "She said she wanted turtle tracks."

"She's mistaken!" Albert said, becoming increasingly flustered.

I said to the ice cream girl, "Yes, I want turtle tracks!"

"N-noooo!" Albert said, thrashing his head around, "You're getting it all wrong!"

The ice cream girl ignored him and said to me, "I'll get your turtle tracks."

Albert shouted something unintelligible and stormed out of the ice cream shop. Thankfully, that was our first date and the last time I heard from him.


  1. Some people just can't take a hint

  2. You know OP, he was just looking out for you. Those Turtle Tracks will make you leave elephant tracks. Why can't you just stop DOING IT ALL WRONG?!

    What a control freak! I'm glad you only had to suffer through one date with that nut bag OP. Epic bullet dodging!

  3. He was just looking out for Rule No. 1 - No Fat Chicks.

    1. Given the evidence presented (fat-free lime sorbet), this could be true.

  4. Yeah, while Albert is definitely a bad date, I think he was sending her a not-too-subtle message she seems to have totally missed.

    1. That she, being female, can't enjoy herself and feel good about her body if she possesses so much as a gram of body fat?

      Hey, guys like Albert, bear this in mind... BREASTS are largely body fat. So really, you want a toned, athletic, flat-chested... uh, you know... maybe you're dating the wrong set of people, y'know fellas?

    2. Oh DR, you're so funny! That's why they make breast implants. So you can be anorexic and still look fabulous!

      Guys who don't like curvy women are just nuts.

    3. That what? She's too fat for him and therefore she should allow the men around her to police her body and food choices? That's a message worth totally missing, IMO.

    4. I think she was fully aware of the message and choose to ignore it rather than give it or fight him about it.

      OP handled the situation perfectly

  5. OP, I hope you shrugged, apologized to the ice cream girl, and got your delicious turtle tracks.

  6. Get the lime sorbet, smoosh it in his face, then get the turtle tracks.

    Then go jog for a couple miles, because obviously he found you to be quite tubby.

  7. OK lets forget for a minute that Albert was a controlling idiot and lets concentrate on the OP. Lets also assume she was fat. So what? If she is happy with that, who are we to judge? Nobody has a right to tell her what to do with her body

  8. This is not about weight or body contour. This is about respect and manners. She ordered something, and her date had no right to contradict her. Albert behaved like a control freak and a major @$$hat and Gretta did indeed dodge a bullet.

  9. Also to say, no adult has ANY business telling another adult what to eat or not eat, unless he is a nutritionist and the other person is his client.

  10. The fact that he said "you're doing it all wrong" makes me think he had some kind of a mental script he was working off of, like he was trying to recreate some earlier experience or fantasy he'd had in life. Creepy.

  11. That is so awkward. I had a date like that, he suggested I wear a blue dress, which I didn't own. He told me I should wear my hair down, which I didn't. He told me I should order shrimp, which I am allergic too.

    All in all, he left disappointed because I wasn't like his ex girlfriend, who I resembled in passing.


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