General Gau's Revenge

Story Sent in by Bob:

Dana and I had spoken almost daily for a month before we met, and it felt like I knew her pretty intimately. Everything pointed to a really terrific first date.

When we met, in front of a local historic house (seemed as good a landmark as any), we hugged. When we pulled away, though, she gave a sniff and said, "You smell like Chinese food."

I hadn't eaten Chinese in a while. I don't think I smelled like Chinese, but that didn't matter, because here was a girl who thought I did. I said, "I'm sorry. If I do, I don't know why."

She said, "I can still smell it from over here." She was about five feet away from me.

I suggested, "Maybe it's something that isn't me? Maybe it's something in the neighborhood?"

"No, it's really strong around you."

I rubbed a hand through my hair and sniffed it. Not attractive, I know, but I wanted to solve this mystery. My hand didn't smell at all. I didn't know what to tell her.

She stepped further away from me and said, "I can still smell it on you. It's really strong."

She jogged even further away and gave a colossal snort. "I can still smell it! Did you take a bath in General Gau sauce or something?"

She ran even further away, down a block or so, barely glanced back, and yelled, "I still smell it!" she kept going, and going, and going...

She was gone. Shortest date ever. I had no idea what to do, but I knew I had just been ditched in mere moments after a whole month of really great conversation, leading up to it.

I guessed I wouldn't hear from her again, but to my shock, she called me that night to say, "It wasn't you. I'm actually allergic to some compound in General Gau sauce, so when I smell it on anybody, I run the other way."

I had to ask, "Do you smell it on a lot of people?"

"Anyone who's eaten it in the last year. It's just a weird ability I have."

Weird was right. She suggested meeting up again in a "little while" to see if she could bear the scent any better. I suggested staying friends, and that was that.


  1. Yeah, so here's something you should know...If you've been having really great "conversation" for a month with a woman and the first time you meet her face to face, she literally runs away from you, then you should probably put up some more recent photos of yourself and take down those Abercrombie male model pics.

    1. Gotta agree. I'm guessing the pics were ten years old and 50 pounds ago (been fooled by that trick myself). That doesn't explain her actually calling him after running away though.

    2. She had a craving for some General Gau's chicken ;-)

      PS. What the hell is General Gau's chicken? Have I just never heard of that...maybe that's who General Tso fought against?

    3. Different spelling of Tso, Tao, etc.

    4. "Gau" appears to be common in Boston, "Tso" in NY. Go figure.

  2. I bet SHE smelled like sushi...

  3. She seems to also be allergic to sane, rational thought and behavior.
    You should have at least flasher her your wontons and egg roll just to scare her off extra good!

  4. Is anyone else getting hungry?

    1. Anytime food is mentioned in these comments, it's almost a guarantee I'm off that food for at least a few months.

    2. pizza, burgers, cake, chips, potato, any salad, eggs, bread. grains. Water

  5. She can smell year-old food? THAT'S COOL!!


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