Take Him Paintballing

Story Sent in by Mary:

I might have had an idea that things weren't going to go well on my date with Jack when he showed up at the park looking about 10 years older than his online photos and, and this is the kicker, wearing an all-orange jumpsuit, as if he was a prison escapee.

"Did you just escape prison?" I asked him, because I have a big mouth and couldn't help myself.

He laughed. "No. This is for protection. I don't want a car to hit me at night."

Fair enough. However, as I reminded him, "It's two in the afternoon."

"So it is," he agreed, "Did you want to grab a bite?"

Ooookay. So he was more eccentric and way older looking than advertised. I guess that was all right, but a little much to take in on a first date. I kind of hoped that he'd take off his jumpsuit once we were inside someplace and underneath, he'd be wearing a casual outfit, a sweatsuit, a fireman's outfit, a banana hammock... really anything other than something that made it look like I was on a date with a convicted felon. But all through our little late lunch of finger sandwiches and hot chocolate, he kept it on.

That in and of itself would've been strange, but he spent a lot of time talking about cars, but not as a car enthusiast would. He talked about how he never rode in one if he could help it, and how he had never been in a car accident because he had been so cautious his whole life, and how he always wore his jumpsuit because he was afraid for his unborn children, and how he thought that everyone, everywhere should wear reflective clothes and how many lives it would save, and how there ought to be an instant death penalty for everyone involved in a car accident, whether their fault or not, and how that would keep insurance rates low for the rest of us, and how much he loved donuts.

I took a hiatus from dating after that.


  1. I love this story, really well written and I loved how the OP called him out on looking like a convict! That doughnut line killed me. The jumpsuit does make getting dressed every day pretty easy though: "Black tie event at the symphony, I got it covered."

    That being said, this guy is probably suffering form some horribly traumatic childhood scar where both his parents were killed in a car crash.

    ...Or he was an escaped convict.

  2. Loved this story. This is exactly the kind of thing I come here to read.

  3. With Chunky Horse on the prowl at night, being hit by a car should be the LAST of his concerns...

    1. That bright jumpsuit makes him a prime target for some good chainsawing.

  4. I don't think he has to worry about his unborn children. If he keeps wearing bright orange jumpsuits on dates, it's unlikely he will ever get laid let alone procreate.

  5. Sorry you had to take a hiatus from dating. :(


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