Long in the Tooth

Story Sent in by Bob:

All of Denise's profile photos were of her with her mouth closed. Smiling, but closed. She was pretty, so I didn't over-think it. We talked online and I asked her out to dinner.

Within seconds of meeting her, I discovered, to my shock, that Denise had the longest teeth out of anyone I had ever met. They were honestly about one and a half to two times longer than any other set of teeth I had ever seen. This girl was a dental marvel. When she closed her lips, I wondered how she was able to do it without a strain, on her part.

She was otherwise very nice, but whenever she opened her mouth, it was like a mighty Tyrannosaurus. The very idea of kissing her freaked me out. I kept all of these thoughts silent, and thought that one date wouldn't hurt.

She had a good sense of humor and we had a nice time. But near the end of dinner, she said, "So, you haven't said anything about my teeth."

I hadn't, although you wouldn't know it, given how much they were on my mind. Stupidly, I must've looked at them more than her eyes during the meal. I said, as innocently as I could, "What about your teeth?"

"They're long," she said, and she bit them down a few times, "Did you not notice?"

I tried my best to be diplomatic. "I didn't."

"They're a dominant trait," she explained, "So my kids are definitely going to have them this long, if not longer. Would you be okay with that?"

"Like... if we... had kids?"

She bit down with her teeth a few more times, I guess, to really drive the point home. Visions of long-toothed children danced in my head... running around the house, brushing their long teeth, going to the dentist and costing me a fortune, biting me to wake me up...

She said, "Yeah. Our kids would have long teeth, like mine. I have to ask this, because not everyone would be cool with it. Guys I've dated for a long time were cool with it, so I want to make sure that it's all right. I know it's unusual."

"I... um... well..."

It was my hesitation that did me in. She said, "I understand. If it's not immediately okay, then it's not and never will be okay. It's cool. We can call it what it is."

We parted very graciously, and part of me was actually sorry to see her go, but ultimately, the idea of having small children with teeth just shy of an inch long each... the stuff of nightmares. I think I didn't lose out on that one.


  1. I think you did. You missed a great girl. Good for her to be so ok with it and hope she finds a guy that doesnt freak out so easily

  2. You did, but she definitely didn't.

  3. I disagree. I don't think you should date someone you are not attracted to or who talks about having children on a first date. She moved on and so did you. No harm done.

    1. I agree. She already sensed that he wasn't attracted to her so what's the point in bringing it up and putting him on the spot? It's great that she's secure with her long ass teeth, but she made a semi uncomfortable situation downright awkward for a near stranger.

      And what sane person talks about having children and dominant traits on a first date?

    2. I think it's perfectly understandable for her to bring it up. People get in trouble when they assume things and if you can get complete affirmation of something, why not? It was a little rude of the OP to lie about it at first, since she was obviously being upfront and honest.

      I'm not sure if OP is stretching the truth about the kids thing to make this 'abcotd' material. If not, then that is a little crazy and probably a bit too far.

  4. I really need a picture of this set of choppers....I mean are we talking Chiclets or full on horse teeth? (Not Chunky Horse obviously because he didn't have teeth)

    I dated a girl once who's front teeth had a pretty bad chip in them. I couldn't stop staring at it for most of the date. Then we kissed for the first time and I never noticed the chip again. You should have given her a chance OP.

  5. Talking about children together is almost never acceptable on a first date, and this is one of those perfect reasons why. Maybe the 3rd or 4th date for her to bring it up would have been acceptable.

    Also, she doesn't know how genetics work. Even if it's dominant, she likely has 1 dominant and 1 recessive long teeth gene (unless her forefathers have always procreated with other long toothers). So the chances of her having a large toothed child is only 50%.

  6. Of all the things I'll reject a girl for, long teeth is pretty far down on the list...

  7. What in thee hell are long teeth? Are the teeth themselves long, or is the gums extra long and so give the appearance of long teeth?

    Any chance of OP posting a link to a picture of what he means?

    Other than that, this is the most "normal" date I have seen on this site yet...


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