Fall Backward

Story Sent in by Garry:

Louise and I both worked for competing tech companies in the same city, so for most of our date, we teased each other, back and forth, about each other's products. It seemed to be something that we both had in common, so why not exploit it, right?

She talked about a stupid department getaway that her company had made her group do. What was worse, she said, was that the company actually dipped into their employees' vacation time to do it.

"It's not a vacation if you're with your coworkers," I told her, and she agreed.

She talked about daily soccer games, during the retreat, in which everyone had to be supportive of everyone else, all the time, and the fact that the outing was held at a Christian center, so that there were crucifixes and shrines up everywhere.

She then said, "We had to do these trust falls, but not simple ones, like you tip yourself backward. They made us climb up trees, 20 feet off the ground, and jump into a special blanket that everyone else was holding for us, like in Dumbo."

It sounded like the most stupid and dangerous way to prove that you trusted your coworkers. Then, she said, "Want to do a trust fall?"

It was a good idea, a break from the conversation, so I offered to let her fall first, and promised that I'd catch her. We were walking in a park, not far from the main street, so the setting didn't make it altogether too strange.

She fell back and I caught her, and I guess I wasn't ready for the force with which she'd hit my waiting hands, because I had to do some quick footwork to maintain footing, and I must have let out a short grunt. It had more to do with scrambling to not let her fall than her weight, but as I was soon to discover, the damage was already done.

It was my turn to fall, and I did it as gently as possible and she caught me, but when we started walking again, she clammed up and didn't say a word. I tried to restart the conversation a few times, but it was obvious that something was troubling her.

I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "When you caught me, you sounded like you were catching an elephant."

I told her that I just wasn't expecting her to fall back as fast and hard as she did, at me. It had nothing to do with her weight. Still, she was unconvinced, and then and there, ended the date with a, "Sorry for wasting your time and being so heavy, assh#le prick."

I called her bitter and presumptuous, and that's why I went home alone, that night.


  1. I was into the story until the last line...that was just a bit much. That being said, you should probably stay off the ePachyderm dating site until you get yourself a back brace.

  2. That's ok... just imagine the lifetime of perceived slights and offenses that you avoided having to constantly apologize for... She will find someone else to make completely miserable until he cheats on her.


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