Hurricane Warning

Story Sent in by Joshua:

Online, Patricia told me that her childhood nickname was "the hurricane" because she apparently was a terror to her parents, older sister, and everyone with whom she came into contact. She told me, "My sister still has scars from the bite marks I gave her."

Not exactly comforting to hear before a first date, but Patricia was older now, and it seemed, at least online, as though she had mellowed out a bit.

I took her out for lunch at a nice place in the city. We were on an outdoor patio. The surrounding tables were almost all occupied, many of which with families.

The trouble really began when we were served our waters. They had lemon wedges in them. Patricia said to the waitress, "I didn't want lemon in my water. I want a slice of watermelon!"

The waitress said, "You want a watermelon slice in your water?"

Patricia said, "Did I stutter?"

If I had been the waitress, I would've given Patricia a piece of my mind, but instead, the waitress took it in stride and said, "I'll see what I can do," then took Patricia's water away.

Patricia then told me, after the waitress had gone, "Don't you dare drink your water. You wait for me to get mine."

I replied, "You could've been a bit nicer to the waitress. Putting lemons into water probably wasn't her idea."

"Her own stupid fault for assuming that everyone wants a lemon in their water. Have you ever tasted a lemon? They're bitter as anything."

Amazingly, the waitress reappeared with a water with a thin slice of watermelon within it. Patricia took it without a thank-you, then pulled out the watermelon slice and ate it. "I love wet watermelon," she told me, "It just tastes better than when it's dry."

We were able to order our meals without incident, and conversation went well until our meals arrived. After the waitress had left, I noticed Patricia staring at her salad. I asked her what was wrong.

She said, "This isn't what I ordered."

"The chicken Caesar?"


I studied her meal closely. It was as chicken-Caesar-salad-ish as any chicken Caesar salad could ever be. I asked her, "You ordered the chicken Caesar, right?"

Without a word, she stood up, took the salad in hand, then turned around and placed it onto a nearby, occupied table. A family sat there, a mother, father, and little boy. They looked at her and she said, "You can have my salad. It sucks balls."

She sat back down at the table with me, and the father stood, grabbed her salad, and put it right back on our table, in front of Patricia. He said, "We're all set, and don't you talk to me that way in front of my son."

"Hey," I said to Patricia, after the father had returned to his table. I was desperate to distract her away from doing anything else. "We should order a dessert, here. Their berry tarts are great."

Patricia said, "No. They probably," she turned back to the family and finished, "suck balls."

The father stood and left the table, then headed inside the restaurant. Patricia asked me, "Where do you think he's going?"

I said, "If I were him, I'd be going to get the manager."

"Christ," Patricia said, then stood up, left the table, climbed over the waist-high metal rail that separated the patio from the sidewalk, and hurried away.

The father did indeed return with a manager. As Patricia was gone, I was left to explain and apologize for her behavior.

I wasn't sure if she had been expecting a second date from me, but she never had one. I can't imagine her ever having one, to be frank.


  1. @ JMG, Loving the title as the storm really cranks up outside!

    Holy god, this woman was a whole other level of crazy! I'm talking sack full of cats crazy. I'm talking slice of watermelon in her drinking water crazy! Good thing she bailed on you because that date was "sucking balls".

    PS. Who the hell ever heard of dry watermelon? It has WATER in the name! If it were dried, wouldn't it just disintegrate? Sorry, these are the things I think about.

    1. Clearly, you've already done more thinking in this single post than Patricia has her entire lifetime. You could do enough thinking for the both of you, she's so ridiculous.

  2. "My rudeness and entitlement are totes a desirable personality trait! It just shows that I know what I want and am NOT AFRAID TO GO GET IT."

  3. totes... you know you are getting old, when the slang changes.

  4. The sad part is, she probably thinks everyone else needs to chill out, and that she doesn't have a problem.

  5. So the rude, bratty kids who throw tantrums and generally just irritate everyone around them grow into rude adults with an overblown sense of entitlement? Who knew?!?

    P.S. - Not getting the wet watermelon thing either.

  6. My only question is why continue with the date after the way she treated the waitress and ordered you not to drink your water? Seriously, cut your losses. As for megabitch there, she needs her butt kicked a few times and she'll get the picture.

    If she'd had her butt kicked as kid, chances are she wouldn't be acting like this as an adult.

    1. I didn't even read the part about you "trying to distract her." Best thing to do is get up and leave. Once again, why do people on this site put up with rude and antisocial behavior on dates with people they don't really know?

    2. Sometimes you can go into shock and not think straight. Especially when rudeness catches you off guard. Some people's natural reactions are to remain calm and try to not cause a bigger scene.

      Not saying he should have stayed, but I can see how some people opt for a civil ending to a date to avoid a scene with a crazy person.

    3. Also I think part of it is maybe he wanted to see how far she'd go. It's like going to the movies, he's already paying for dinner so he might as well get a show with it too. He most likely already decided there was no connection, but I definitely would have stayed to see what happens next.

    4. Agree with Shoe, you have got to see it play out if for nothing more than your own morbid curiosity.


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