A Teacher Scorned

Story Sent in by John:

Just after sitting down to dinner on our first date, Mia took off a large shoulder bag that was almost bursting with papers. I knew she was a teacher, but this was the middle of the summer.

"Schoolwork?" I asked her

She replied, "My lawsuits. I'm in the middle of five."

If the little voice in my head was a person, it would have waved two red flags in its hands, two between the toes of either foot, and one in its mouth. I asked, "For what?"

She said, "If we get there, tonight, I'll tell you."

She had never mentioned being in any sort of trouble, whether in an email or either of our two phone calls prior. In fact, at that point, I didn't know if she was the one suing or being sued, or, as there were five suits, if it was a mix and match.

I was so curious that in the middle of dinner, I suggested (unnecessarily), "Maybe you should move your lawsuit bag under the table. You wouldn't want to spill anything on them."

She replied, "The lawsuits are all against me. Back in my wilder days, I had a habit of going out at night and throwing dog shit against people's doors and windows."

That was all the explanation I received. I asked, "And they're suing you for it?"

She said, "Whatever. It's not like they're going to get anything. There was hardly any damage."

"When were these 'wilder days'?"

"Look, I shouldn't even be discussing this with you. You could be, I don't know, a spy for the other sides. I've just got to read through them all and it's stressing me out."


She pointed a finger at me and said, "They're saying I did it because they were families who didn't tip me at the end of the school year, but that's not true. That's all I'm saying."

As I didn't want to wake up with a pile of crap on my porch, I nodded along with her, and kept a smile on, right up until the date ended.


  1. I come from a family of teachers and unfortunately, I see their friends, also teachers, and I have come to conclusion most of them are whacked.

  2. I tend to assume most of these are at least a little bit exaggerated or told with some spin. But this one is really, really, really fake. Either that or Mia was pulling a very bizarre prank.

  3. Replies
    1. You shouldn't tip them, though a gift at the end of the year is optional.

  4. I wish my students would tip me. But alas I always get framed pictures they drew and things like that.


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