Run, NOLA, Run

Story Sent in by Kenneth:

I had just started a new job in New Orleans and had set up my first online date in that area. Melissa and I had planned to go out for drinks. She showed up in a dark red sweatsuit. Interesting choice of apparel, but I didn't think much of it, beside its strangeness. And the smell that accompanied it.

"I just came from a run," she said, out of breath. She ordered a beer and sat next to me at the bar.

"A run?" I asked, "If you wanted to, I guess, freshen up, before coming here, then you could've called. I would've waited."

She looked down at what she was wearing, as if noticing for the first time that she wasn't dressed up. She said, "I feel freshened up. Nothing like a run, you know?"

The smell was pretty bad. Still, I didn't want to be rude and so we clinked our beers together and drank. She went on, "Besides, I always heard that guys like girls who work out."

"We do. It's just–"

She hit my arm. "Want to go for a run after this?"

I was in a dress shirt and nice pants, and didn't have a change of clothes with me. I said, "I might be able to jog with you a little ways, but–"

She hit my arm again. "Great!" She downed her beer in less than a minute, then said, "Race you to the door!"

She stood and jogged to the bar entrance. I finished my beer, put money down (she didn't offer to pay, but it didn't come out to much), and joined her at the doorway. We left together and jogged a bit down the sidewalk.

It was a good speed at first, but she went faster and faster, and I wasn't really wearing the right footwear.

She said, panting, "I just feel like running! Like, running and never stopping!"

I kept pace, but wanted to stop running. It's not what I had signed up for, in any event. I asked her, "Maybe we can head back and get dinner?"

She said, "Not until we get to the state line, boy!" then hit my arm again and tore ahead, as if a pack of famished wolves were after her. I stopped running and waited for her to come back. When she didn't, I texted her, "Coming back?"

She replied, "When I'm done RUNNING."

She never came back. She might just be running forever.


  1. Shame she didn't come back. You could have built a relationship on working out. And made your first date a running joke between you.

    Ba dum tiss.

  2. I wonder if the OP didn't make it a huge point that he will only go out with someone who is extremely fit to the degree where he came off like a complete jerk. That's the only excuse I can think of why someone would show up and act like this on a date. Well, that, or she was bat poo insane.

  3. That chick was on drugs!


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